Lovely | B.E

F i f t y - f i v e

"Finn your right" I say looking at the ginger who is now wide smiling hearing the words he knew he was going to hear. "I cant be with her"

"Huh" finn looked up from his phone at me confused. Obviously he would be. The conversation he had was with billie not me.

"I heard the conversation. Between you and billie the other night telling her that she needs to better or you would get me to leave for my sake and your right" just thinking about leaving brings me to tears I mean this is my family. I've watched them all grow and become what they are today and to just leave that is gonna be hella hard.

"I don't think that's a good idea tho. I was just trying to scare her into being better for you. She took you out today wasn't it good" he questioned.

"It was. It was good"

"So why do you want to do this. I'm not understanding"

"That's the problem it was good. I had a good time but it was all about money. When I met billie a few years ago she would have done something to win me back. More heartfelt. Like yea she took me to a concert but I feel like she's trying to buy my love back. With all these gifts bowling, food and the concert all on her i feel like one of those gold diggers. Even if i stayed there is nothing stopping her from doing the same."

"I understand how you feel Claudia felt the same but you got to explain this to billie. You can't expect her to read your mind. A relationship is 50/50 meaning communication being key"

"But that's the problem I feel like I'm doing 80/20. As much as I love your sister and Klara if I don't leave much longer I'm gonna be in a bad state and I don't need to put that pressure on her"

"If you feel that it's the right thing to do by all means but put her down gently."

I nod in response. "Goodnight Finn" I brought him into a hug and went to the section where the bunks are seeing Bil with Klara on her lap.

As i come more into sight i sit next to Bil on the bed. Just starting conversation with Klara now in my lap. "Is it okay if Klara sleeps with me again tonight" I ask slightly scared of the answer. I know she wanted us to sleep together but knowing what she did I can't even think about lying in the same bed together.

"I mean I guess I thought we could've slept together tho" she said muttering like I making her feel bad. It's working.

"I just want to make sure she's okay. You know I worry about these things. Plus I haven't seen her all day. I've missed her"i thank her and get up to get changed.

Coming back Klara's on my bed waiting for me and Billie's on her phone texting someone. What a surprise at this point. "Mama" she shouted and she held out her hands for me to pick her up.

"Hey babygirl" I pick her up and carry her to the kitchen "do you want anything" I ask her while making myself a glass of water one handed. "La" she responded. I pull out the prepared milk and put it into a bottle heating it up in the microwave seeing her smile at the sight.

Sometimes I say words in Welsh. Eventhough it's a dying language I felt like I could teach it to her slowly starting younger. The Welsh word for milk was llaeth but obviously she wouldn't be able to say it this young so she calls it la.

After a couple of seconds I pull the milk out and check if it's cool on my hand before giving it to her. She grabs it and leans more into my chest drinking the milk as I finish the bottoms of water and head back to the bunk.

Eventually we all fall asleep and I slowly prepare myself for tomorrow.

As I wake up I knew today was the day. I can't put it back anymore I have to break up with billie. I would leave it for a while to see if it gets better but she's still texting someone pretty much everytime that im not with her.

I get up and get dressed then dress Klara in a cute dress. I write a note on a post-it and leave with Klara heading towards the venue. "You ready to see what mama does baby" I ask her and she nods snuggling her head back into my chest still a little tired.

I put my lanyard on and go inside the venues. The first thing I have to do today is hand out waters. It's not part of my job but I don't need people dehydrating. We walk up the line and Klara hands over the water bottles and everyone awes at how cute she is. Once everyone had water I got her milk out of a rucksack that I prepared that has all her stuff in it and passed it to her while I start to do ticket checks.

-

The meet and greet and the show is finally finished. I need to tell billie before we go into that hotel room I can't sleep with her tonight. Walking into the green room I see she's gone live. Well I knew that before I walked in from the notification.

"But bro I literally jumped once and sprained my ankle like what the fuck." She finishes telling the story about the time the security guard chucks her beanie into the crowd and then she starts complaining about it when she saw me come into the room and just stared.

"I umm can I talk to you a second like off of live. It's really important" I say before shutting the door.

"Yeah sure. Guys I have to go but I'll be back soon. I love you all" she blew a kiss and tapped the screen putting the phone to the side. "What's up my love"

"Well uh I can't do this anymore" I said quietly looking down at the floor playing with my hands.

"Wh-what do you mean you can't do this anymore" she voice starts to get choked up the more she thinks about what I said.

"I just- we need to break up Bil" i say as my heart hurts more seeing how much I'm hurting her.

"You- you can't" she said standing up from the couch.

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