Sinful Past

CHAPTER 18

Finding Jesus 

Dianna was overcoming and finding her purpose again. She started attending a few church services with her aunt and finding herself in Christ. As she continued to do inventory and heart surgery of her life she wrote a letter to her stepfather Thomas telling him how she felt and how she had forgiven him and hoped he found Christ. Dianna realized that she despised him for a long time and for her complete healing she needed to forgive him too. Furthermore, Dianna realized she needed to forgive herself. She needed to forgive herself for not telling her mother about the abuse. She needed to forgive herself for being naive when it came to Marcus, sleeping with unknown men, and feeling unworthy and filthy. Dianna was her own worse critic and beat herself up so many times in her mind. 

Indeed, God was making a way for her. Dianna's biggest breakthrough was about to come. She went briefly to the store to get a few items to help Aunt Joy prepare a meal for Paige's arrival. She saw a girl about sixteen soliciting on the streets. The girl was shaken and seemed disoriented. Immediately, her heart went out to her, and Dianna felt compassion because she knew that looked on her face oh so well. Being forced into a life of prostitution was a death sentence. Dianna hated that the girl looked malnourished and hurting inside. Dianna wanted to help her but how. Her pimp or a watcher was bound to be somewhere around spying on her. 

The girl did the unexpected thing she walked in the path of a moving car. She was hurt but not dead. Dianna ran to her rescue and knew her watchers would not stand around or stay to be uncovered. "It's okay. You are going to be okay," Dianna nervously touched her hands as the ambulance arrived. "What's your name?" Dianna asked sympathetically. "Casey," she said with tears running down her eyelids. Dianna squeezed her hands and said. "I am right here with you. You are going to survive," Dianna told her going with her in the ambulance. Dianna did the only thing she knew how. She prayed. 

Dianna realized that her calling was to help others and somehow be a voice. She could relate to women and girls who endured this abuse. It made her understand that her greatest pain, test, and trial was all about this moment for a testimony to help someone else simply survive. Later that night Dianna felt God calling her to fully surrender to him.

"What a story?" Aunt Joy clapped after Dianna shared the events leading to the hospital. "Dianna, I think you have found one of your assignments from the Lord. Helping the sexually abused, girls or women forced into sex trafficking/prostitution. God is going to use your story, experience, and survival to help many," Joy said getting tearful. Dianna agreed and thanked God for turning the bad into good. "Let's go and praise God," Dianna said.

Dianna could not stop praising and thanking Jesus that entire night at the service. She cried out to God and got free from all the hurt and pain that was inside. Dianna did not hold back. She finally surrendered everything to God. The pastor prayed for Dianna's mind, freedom of spiritual spouses, and trauma from the abuse. He targeted areas they had never discussed so Dianna knew God was at work. 

With a full heart of thankfulness, revelation, and hope, Dianna prayed like she never prayed before.

Dear Lord,

I surrender all to you. My heart, mind, body, and soul belong to you. My sinful past will not erase the love and compassion you have towards me. According to your word, you will wipe every tear from my eyes. Thus, I thank you for wiping away the stain of sin and dying on the cross so I could have life more abundantly. I am free of the depression, anxiety, and suicide that invaded my life because of sexual abuse. Every attachment is broken and I am no longer a candidate of my past experiences or trauma.  

I will live the life you have intended for me because your plans are great. I am no longer a slave to fear for I am a child of God. I call forth your blood, loving arms, hand, and sword to fight for me. Satan the blood of Jesus is against you and the Jesus has healed me and sanctified me this day. I am washed in the blood of the lamb. Your work in me will be completed. Jesus, take the wheel.