Sinful Past

CHAPTER 23

New Realities

Aunt Joy hugged Dianna reassuring her that she must not give up on love. "I don't know if it is meant to happen to me," Dianna said.

"Don't say that Dianna. Nothing that happened in your life was your fault," Aunt Joy reminded her. "I tried to call him for the last three days. He has ignored my calls. I don't want to give up but my heart cannot take the rejection. I know I was wrong for keeping it so long from him. That's why I just wanted to be friends in the beginning. But our relationship blossomed into more and it became harder to reveal the truth." Dianna confessed.

"Brian loves you. I have seen it in the way he looks at you. This will work out," Aunt Joy stated remaining optimistic. "You didn't see the way he looked at me. It broke my heart," Dinna said.

"He was in shock Dianna just give it some time. If he is the one he will come back," Aunt Joy reminded her. "I will talk to you soon Aunt Joy," Dianna said getting ready to leave. Dianna wanted to remain positive but she was losing hope. When she returned to the apartment she spent time praying, She took off the engagement ring and wrote Brian a letter.

Brian spent the last three days alone. He was upset with the way his sister handled the situation and expressed that to her. He was hurting but he still loved her. His love for her just could not simply go away. He felt worse when he went to do his own research. The critical parts that his sister had left out. Dianna was molested as a child by her stepfather, tried to commit suicide at twelve, lost her mother at sixteen, raped and forced into prostitution at eighteen. The news articles about the trial and the interviews were documented. Her book "Survival" was published describing in detail all she went through.

The information was not hidden. Dianna just did not tell him. She was amazing to go through all of this and come back to get her degree and start her career. Brian felt horrible for not giving her the opportunity to explain. But he was shocked at first learning about it. It explained the walls and why she poured herself into her work. Dianna was single for twelve years after the ordeal and finally opened up to him and let him in. She had allowed those walls to fall and he had failed her.  He forward everything to his sister and told her she owed Dinna an apology.

Brian explained everything to his parents. "Son, Dianna is remarkable. Her story is sad, touching, powerful, and inspiring. Do you love her?" Ruth asked. "With all my heart," Brian admitted. "Can you get past her history? Michael asked.  "Yes, I love her very much," Brian admitted. 

"Son, you have to tell her before you lose her. That night you broke her heart," Ruth Davidson.

"You need to go to her and you too talk about all of this and save your relationship," Michael Peterson. Brian agreed and he went to Dianna's apartment.  

Dianna looked at the letter and placed the engagement ring in a box. She cried thinking that everything ended too quickly between them. She sat on the sofa and read the letter one more time before sealing it. 

Dear Brian,

Please forgive me for not telling you the truth. I have experienced so much hurt and pain in my past that I thought that I would never find love. I was never in love or in a relationship after all that happened to me. You were the one that broke down the walls. I don't regret falling in love with you and I am truly sorry if I have hurt you. I guess this was all too heavy for us to survive and I can't be angry with you if you don't want me and the baggage I have endured. Nothing that happened to me I enjoyed or wanted. My past does not define me it made me who I am today. I cannot run away from it but use it as a platform for others to survive. I confessed to you without shame and guilt of my past that I am a survivor of molestation, rape, and forced prostitution. I cannot change what happened but live my life regardless with God on my side, my family, and my friends.

I wish you love, happiness, and peace. I pray that you find the woman you deserve. All the best!

Brian pulled up at Dinna's apartment wondering what he was going to say. He sat in the car when he saw a strange man knock at her door. Everything in him tensed up. He then realized he did not want anyone else near her. His heart sank in that brief moment wondering if she had moved on. Then he saw the messenger bag and realized she was sending mail to someone. He realized he could not hold her past against her and must trust her. 

After the messenger left, Brian gently knocked a the door. "Dianna, can I please come in?" Brian asked. Dianna paced the room wondering if she wanted to see him. "This is not a good time. I have sent you a letter and your ring back," Dianna said. Brian was at a loss for words. He prayed he did not lose her. He could tell the walls had returned.

"Dianna, I am so sorry I did not give you a chance to explain. But I am here now and need to see you badly," Brian further explained. Dianna did not know if she wanted to face him just yet. "Brian, I am sorry. I don't have it in me to have this conversation right now. So please leave," Dianna indicated. Brian leaned against the door on the outside realizing that damage was already done but he had to find a way to get her to listen to him.

"Dianna, I will leave for now. But I still need to talk with you. Dianna, I love you. Nothing has changed. We can still be together," he said touching the door and leaning his head next to it wishing she was standing there in front of him. 

Dianna started to cry and walked away. She had already decided that she was not the woman for him.

When Brian saw the letter and the ring he was heartbroken. He could not lose her like this. Brian tried to imagine his life without her and realized that he could not live without Dianna. He did not care about her past but their future together. He realized it would take a lot of convincing because obviously, she thought she was not good enough for him. But Brian was thinking quite the contrary. He was not worthy of her. Her fight, story, and push to get her life back after all she went through were remarkable and a testament to the drive and stamina that existed in her. Brian realized that healing had to begin with his family. They needed to show that they embraced Dianna despite her past.