Love Roulette

49

Forty-Nine
DELILAH

Four months later

"How are you feeling today, Delilah?" My therapist who apparently is a family therapist to Miller and his family, and is now mine, questions me.

"Nauseous as fuck. I thought it would disappear after the first trimester, but it looks like it's here to stay." I give her a tight-lipped smile and she gives me a sorrowed look, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

"How are you dealing with the death of your parents? Is it correct you received their ashes last week?" The back of my eyes sting and all I can do is nod. "Have you had time to grieve?"

"Honestly, Angela, before I even found out they were dead I was grieving for two years while I was away from them. Sometimes I think if I had just given in to Damien they would at least still be alive, but they're not and it's because of me." I fiddle with my fingers in my lap and stare at them with a scowl.

"Being a parent myself, Delilah I couldn't live with myself if my child had sacrificed herself for me. I would want her happy, no matter what, even if that cost me my life because I love her and I want what's best for her. Don't blame yourself for something that was entirely out of your hands." I release a shaky breath. "Damien manipulated you, blackmailed you, you would have died if you hadn't done what you did, my love. Don't be so harsh on yourself. I'll keep telling you this until you understand, okay darling?"

"Okay." I croak, grabbing a tissue from the box on the coffee table and dabbing at my eyes. 

"How is your relationship with Gunner going?"

My chest aches at the question.

"He's putting on a brave face every time he's around me, I think it's because he doesn't want to stress me or Maisie out." We found out last month that Maisie is most definitely a girl. "At night he'll climb out of bed and I'll hear him crying in the bathroom before coming out like it never happened. I want him to be able to talk to me. It's not just Mason he's got on his plate but Gabriella too. She's been through a lot and Gunner keeps blaming himself for that as well."

Angela nods her head, tucking a strand of her greying hair behind her ear.

"He's still amazing with me. His love for me hasn't changed, it's just... he's trying to deal with everything on his own."

"When was the last time you two went on a date?" I frown at her question.

"We couldn't... I mean, Mason is still in a coma. I-I don't think that would be appropriate." I stutter and Angela pulls her glasses off and crosses her left leg over her right knee.

"If you and Gunner remove intimacy like this from your lives, eventually the two of you will begin to drift apart. This is a time when your relationship should be stronger than ever. God forbid Mason doesn't wake up, but if it happens you two will need each other." I think about it for a moment. We haven't even had sex because I feel too guilty. "Keep the romance alive so when Mason wakes up he'll see and feel how strong it is."

"But what if he never wakes up." I whimper.

"We can't always live on what if's, Delilah. You need to live in the moment and take each day as it comes. I'm not saying every day is going to be a walk in the park, but allow yourself to be happy. Allow yourself and Gunner to keep the relationship as amazing as it was when Mason was with you."

...

"Maisie keeps kicking like hell," I inform Mason as he lies on the bed unconscious, surrounded by pillows that I change for him every day. "And she made me throw up my burger which I was enjoying too." I huff, leaning back against the soft chair with my hand resting on my belly.