𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎... // 𝙵𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚊𝚗 𝚃𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚜

22

~ Author's Note ~

Really majestic picture of Ferran there. Love this dude. Very dramatic and edited and all that good crap.

LITTLE MISS-TAKE

Jadrien's Perspective

So, I learned something that night. I couldn't tell you what that one thing was that I learned, but I learned something.

Everything was fine, really. We all hung out in the bar. I was with Eric and many of his Barcelona friends. Everything was empty and dizzy and blurring and fake. Nothing felt real. It just wasn't a good night for me. But then, it really had been quite a few months since I'd had a good night, staying home or going out.

But it was fine. Even though the air was stale and the laughter was flat and my ears were ringing, nothing specifically was wrong. No more wrong than things usually were wrong for me. I was just going through a really tough time then.

But then stupid f***ing Pedri took out his phone and looked at a text. I was sitting next to him, zoning out on a couple dancing slowly on the floor, with their arms wrapped around each other, looking into each other's eyes lovingly. "Oh, Jadrien," he smirked, nudging me. I snapped out of my zoning out trance, and my eyes met Pedri's.

"What is it?" I remember asking slowly. Alcohol had affected me, but it didn't feel good tonight. Not at all.

"I just got a text from Ferran Torres. You're into him."

I choked on nothing in that moment, saying, a little too loud and exaggerated, "Pedri!" I felt heat rush to my face, and a bead of sweat form by my ear that quickly. I felt so embarrassed and confused. I didn't want to talk about Ferran. I didn't want to think about him. Daydreaming only brought heartache. Loving him only made me realise the pain that I had no chance. I tried to lead my thoughts away from Ferran whenever I could, whenever he was particularly on my mind, because just the mention of his name felt like a stab in the heart. It felt like someone holding out the most precious diamond out to you, but no matter how far you reach, you're always just centmetres away from snatching it from their hands. So close, and yet so far.

He smiled teasingly, and he didn't even know how much of a soft spot he had managed to hit. "Well, I'm sorry, Jadrien." He shows me the text.

𝖥𝖾𝗋𝗋𝖺𝗇:
𝖧𝖾𝗒 𝖽𝗎𝖽𝖾 𝗃𝗌𝗒𝗄 𝖨 𝖼𝖺𝗇'𝗍 𝗆𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗂𝗍 𝗍𝗈𝗇𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍. 𝖲𝗈𝗋𝗋𝗒.

I shift uncomfortably. "That's fine," I squeak. "It's not like I came out because I was anticipating Ferran to come. I don't want him to come. He doesn't even like me anyway. I don't like being around him because he just always ignores me anyway and... it... yeah, I just hate that, because I like him."

"Boom! There we go! Finally, straight from your mouth, you like Ferran!" Pedri grins. Obviously, he also has some alcohol in us. We all do. It's the kind of night that started with drunk partying until all the fuel of the alcohol ran out, leaving us all making stupid jokes and sitting around in our stupid drunk states.

"Pedri, everybody already knows," I said, suddenly, for some reason, feeling hurt, and torn, and emotional. "Just like it was with Phil Foden. Everyone finds out that I like a guy that I'll never be with and then they all make fun of me and judge me and I'm sick of it! Why can't I just fall for someone that likes me?!" I looked at Pedri again, but this time he was all blurred up because of the tears in my eyes.

Pedri stared at me in surprise, mouth hanging open like it often does, and then suddenly Gavi, Ansu, and Alejandro, sauntered over, and when Gavi saw my tears, he plopped down next to me, saying as he put his arm around my shoulders, "What's wrong?"

"You guys don't even care. You don't even know me," I squeaked, trying to lean away from Gavi, only to lean into Pedri. "Where's Eric?" I whined. "Why'd you have to bring up Ferran? I need my brother."

Ansu looked very concerned at my emotional state. "I'm not sure where Eric went... He's off doing something. He told us to make sure you're okay when he was gone, because he knew how drunk you were."

Because my emotions get all up-and-down-and-all-around when I get that drunk, I suddenly became angry at the brother I was just longing for. "Why?! He thinks that I can't manage on my own?! He thinks he's so much better just because he's a man... or... something..." I cried.

Alejandro touched my arm. "Jadrien, you know that's not true. He just really cares about you."

"I don't want Eric to care about me! I want Ferran to care about me! I don't want a comforting brother! I want a comforting boyfriend! I don't want Eric! He's so-" I regret saying everything I did that night.

"Come, Jadrien, don't say that about Eric. You know you don't really mean it," Pedri laughed, obviously not getting a clue like he usually would when he wasn't drunk. I glared at him, but then clamped my mouth shut, miraculously.

"Jadrien," Gavi said with an expression I couldn't quite understand or figure out. "Why do you like Ferran so much? Obviously it upsets you that you like him. I'm sure you'd rather not. So why?"

I shifted, and took the opportunity to ramble, "I like everything about him! I like his tan skin and his muscles and his hair and his eyes... I like that hilarious ridiculous rude sense of humor he has... Love that smile... his low voice... the sound of his laugh... Oh, God... When he scores or even just when he's playing football that vein that pops in his forehead... It's like the whole world stop when he scores. My heart swells when I watch him run on the pitch... And... He's so tall, and love watching him with his friends, because he's so happyyy... I wish I could be close to him like that, but even closer. He's so strong... I wish he could love me back and I wouldn't have scared him off."

I don't remember what happened after that. That was the end of the night. But that wasn't the end of learning everything. A week later, I overheard a conversation with Eric and the boys. The boys who had sat right there with me that night, listening to me run my mouth about things I should have just kept to myself.

Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Little Miss Mistake.