Shifting Emotions -a Kyman fanfiction

Chapter 12- Distraction

The idea of playing Uno left with the sound of Waltz #2 ending.

"You said my name." Cartman blurts out.

"OHH. Oh yeah ahaha I did.." Kyle can feel the embarrassment flooding to his face.

"That was really sweeeet" Cartman says a bit sheepishly.

What cartman really REALLY wanted to say was "holy fuck you just said my name and I nearly shit bricks and my chest feels so tight at the thought of you even holding your hand out to me and I was just in your arms what the fuc-"

"I like your name. You'll always be Cartman to me, though" Kyle said, riddled with bliss.

Cartman's chest feels funny. Again.

The exclusiveness of being known to Kyle as Cartman, it's special. It seems like Kyle is trying to say they have something unique without saying those words. Knots continue to form in Cartman's stomach.

They sit down on Cartman's bed. Kyle's playlist is still playing in the background. "It's gonna be (alright)" by Ween is on now, filling the room with its chilling melodies.

"Cartman..." Kyle says sweetly. He has noticeable worry in his voice.

"What-what is it?" Cartman's butterfly/holy-fuck-I like-this-guy knots switch into who-hurt-him/I'm-gonna-kill-anybody who-looks-in-his-direction knots.

"I wanted to come clean about how I felt at a certain point.."

Kyle takes a minute to breathe deeply, but that doesn't stop his tear ducts from filling.

"I.. I was jealous. Of when you and Heidi were a thing. And it was such an awful thing, seeing you hurt because we all decided to be fucking barbarians and break your stuff. I need you to know. RIGHT NOW, that I didn't want to do it. I understand if you don't believe me, but I was the one who hesitated the most."

"JEALOUS OF ME AND HEIDI" is all Cartman was focusing on honestly, but he needs Kyle to continue.

Kyle continues after taking a moment "You were hurting so badly, and I wanted to be the one to comfort you." Kyle starts crying, pretty badly.

"I'm sure you remember me trying to talk to you about what happened, but then Heidi was there so it got kind of awkward.. Nothing can describe the twinge of shock and jealousy I felt when everything settled. Everything, every waking moment, felt out of place. I wanted you back so badly, I didn't even know who I was anymore. And then.. oh god and then I thought I liked Heidi. I think I was just getting some feelings mixed up there..."

"Kahl..."

Cartman jumped into giving Kyle a comforting bear hug, petting his fluffy hair.

Cartman says in a low, sweet voice

"I had my feelings mixed up too."

Kyle sniffles "R-really??" Kyle feels entirely vulnerable; he feels that his soul's deepest desires were visible for Cartman to gaze upon.

Cartman looks at him, assurance in his eyes. "Of course. I felt completely betrayed, and I felt deeply upset by my friends betraying me. Especially you.. I just knew you had a heart of gold. You always have, you always will.. so you would never encourage something as bad as this." Cartman's voice begins to break "But then I thought I was putting myself in denial, and that maybe you did hate me for all that I've done.. and that it was a true sign that I deserved any amount of misery thrown my direction...oh god.." Cartman doesn't like to re-enterhis past mindset, it makes him violently queasy.

Cartman continues "So I end up being in this situation with another exiled person, Heidi, and things happened the way they happened. But they never felt right because.. because I wanted you back too" Cartman is decently choked up at this point. "But I couldn't go back to you guys, no matter how much I missed you. I knew I had to be strong.. to change and to distance myself. The truth is.. Heidi was a distraction. I had to distract myself from losing you."

"Awwww Cartman!" Kyle hugs him tightly.

Cartman tightly hugs him back "And for the record, I forgive you. I don't hold anything against you for participating in destroying my stuff. I knew you really had no choice, tensions were high.. it was an all-out gender war."

Kyle looks up at cartman while hugging him. "Thank you, Cartman.. I'm so grateful for you, I mean it"

"I'm grateful for you, always" Cartman replies.

They decide to lay back on Cartman's bed, cuddling each other. Kyle is resting his head on Eric's chest, Kyle's arm loosely draped around Eric's body. They don't say much because they're emotionally drained, but they're full of contentment. "Say yes" by Elliott Smith is playing in the background, lulling them into a comfortable sleep.