Sander Sides Oneshots

If it didn't Matter (Logan)

This is based off the writing prompt above, "I thought that if I acted like it didn't matter, then it wouldn't."

Trigger Warnings: This will be a bit angsty, as well as a mild mention of OCD spiraling thoughts, slight Unsympathetic Patton and Roman (more of them not understanding then actually them being purposefully mean) and mention of a panic attack. Please be careful if any of this bothers you.

Logan

I checked my watch for what felt like the 100th time this morning. I knew it was still too early for even Patton to be up, I shouldn't be up, but sleep always seemed to escape me when I needed it most. After debating a moment, I decided to get up and get something to eat as it would be a bit before Patton was up.

I quietly slipped down the stairs, as not to wake anyone, especially Virgil. Being anxiety, Virgil seemed to always hear the tiniest noises, even "dead asleep" (I've been working on my flashcards with him). I sighed in relief when I was finally in the kitchen. I quickly spread some jam on some bread, not toasted since I couldn't risk letting anyone hear me. I took that and a glass of milk back up to my room.

When I finally got in there, I sat at my desk and decided to do some more research. I always enjoy learning new things, but what I was researching recently wasn't as fun as some of my other things. Space, mythology, math, those were all fun. Emotions? Those were hard. Roman liked to call me robot, Patton always said that I wouldn't understand something because it was related to emotions, and Virgil, Virgil never told me any of that but there are times where I can tell I missed something emotion wise by one glance he gives me.

I have emotions, I'm not some emotionless robot, I just struggle to express them and I struggle to understand them. I've tried talking to Patton, him being morality and all, but always left feeling more confused.

"Well, what do you feel Logie?"

"My name is Logan, and I don't know. I feel...sad?"

"See that wasn't hard!"

"But it's not sad. Sad feels different."

"Sad can feel a lot of different ways. But you figured it out! I'm proud of you!"

Time Skip brought to you by Me

I didn't realize what time it was until I felt the tugging sensation, effectively pulling me from my thoughts. I quickly snapped my fingers, changing into my normal attire and then rose up in Thomas's living room.

"Salutations Thomas." I say, directing my attention to Thomas, ignoring the sigh I hear from Roman.

"Logan, my man." he said, "I am trying to figure out something and figured you could help me."

I nodded while Roman said, "I don't know why he's here, this has to do with Love. He's logic, a robot, no emotions."

"Kiddo that's not nice, he can be helpful. But I do agree Thomas it's a bit odd that he's here."

I stopped listening after that. They quickly went off topic and started talking about this guy Thomas likes, and as Roman mentioned, I wasn't exactly needed for this. I was only needed if it had to do with spending money or planning something. I got lost in my thoughts thinking about how there was a ton of things I needed to do, how I got nothing done because I got focused in research, how no one thought to check on me. Suddenly, I noticed all eyes on me.

I nervously adjusted my tie and asked "Yes, did I miss something?"

"Yes...What was it again Roman?" Patton asked. He seemed off. He kept looking at me with...worry in his eyes. Why was he worried?

I was again pulled out of my thoughts when Roman said "Well, you see calculator watch..."

I was suddenly angry. I don't even know what came over me but suddenly I snapped, "My name is Logan. Not Logie, not calculator watch, not any other stupid nickname you come up with. I don't like when you call me that. I'm not some robot. I have feelings too."

I was shaking by the time I was done. I felt something hot and wet on my cheeks. Everyone was staring at me. No one said anything so I just sunk out. Once in my room, I fell to the floor, sobbing. I barely managed to take off my glasses before I started to cry harder. My thoughts were swirling, I couldn't breathe, nothing made sense. I didn't register my door open.

"-gan. Logan, hey it's okay. You're okay" I heard someone say. I couldn't tell who it was and I couldn't see who it was because I didn't have my glasses on and I was crying. They walked me through an exercise. Slowly I calmed down enough to recognize Virgil's voice. He had come to help.

Eventually I calmed down enough that I could put on my glasses. After a few questions from him and me finding it hard for me to talk, I texted him letting him know I didn't want to talk right now but I was thirsty. He left and came back with some water and some soup Patton had made. By that time I had moved onto my bed, just staring off into space.

"Logan?"

"Oh, yes? You're back." I said, snapping out of my thoughts.

"I brought food with me, and water. Are you okay?" He said setting down the water and handing me the food.

"I...I don't know. There's so much going on in my head. And emotions...I just wish I understood them better." I say after a minute.

"Emotions suck." Virgil says plopping onto my bed, "I wish I understood mine better too. I have one other question and then I will leave you be."

I nod, signaling for him to continue, "Why didn't you tell anyone how you felt? I mean, it seemed like you've been bottling that up for awhile."

I finish my bite of soup before saying, "I thought that if I acted like nothing you guys say matter to me, then it wouldn't. Sounds kind of stupid now that I say it out loud."

"That's not stupid. I understand not wanting to be a burden. But just know if you ever want to talk to someone my door is always open." He smiles at me then gets up to leave.

"Wait, stay? We can watch something if you'd like. I just don't want to be alone." I quickly say, gasping for air at the end signaling I didn't breathe before starting.

"Yes. Ghost Hunters?" He says settling back on my bed. I nod and he turns on the tv to that channel. After a few episodes, I close my eyes and fall asleep for the first time in days, happy to know someone cares at least.

A/N - There it is, my first ever fanfiction. I hope you guys enjoyed it. This whole thing was 1159 words which honestly I didn't know I could write that much in one sitting.

A few things, if I need to add any Trigger Warnings please let me know. Also, typos, suggestions on how I can improve my writing, things like that for sure let me know. Don't forget to eat/sleep/drink water and have a wonderful day/afternoon/evening.