Sander Sides Oneshots

Pretending (Roman)

Idea: Roman believes he has to be perfect and to do that he changes things he thinks the others want him to. 

A little side note I am pretty sure I've read a different fic with this same idea. I just can't remember where and when. Full credit to whoever did it first.

TW: Implied Eating Disorder, Implied Panic attack, Intrusive/negative thoughts, perceived unsympathetic Logan, Patton, Virgil. (Let me know if I missed anything)

Ship: LAMP (can be taken as Romantic or Platonic) 

Roman:

I was always a great actor. It came with the role, and I practiced to get better. There were times when it was just easier to pretend I was someone else other than myself. Of course, it was just an act. 

Then the act became not an act. I mean if they liked me better why shouldn't I pretend to be someone else? I made a mental note every time they told me they didn't like about me and I slowly made the changes. 

"Roman, do you have to sing Disney songs all the time?" 

And so I stopped singing those songs. I even stopped humming. It was hard at first but with practice, I was able to get it down. No comments were made about my singing were said. 

"Roman you're talking so loud, do you ever shut up?"

That one hurt, as he was just excited about an idea he had. He knew he should work on his volume but it was hard to tell how loud he was being when he was by himself. So, he practiced by talking at different levels. It took a while but he found the perfect volume to talk at, just above whispering. And no more comments were made about the volume I talked at.

"Are you sure you want to eat all that food, Roman? It seems like a lot..."

I had just come back from Imagination where I had gotten so into a quest I forgot to eat. But maybe they were right? I have gained some weight recently. I slowly took smaller and smaller portions and skipped most meals. I was hungry a lot, and tired and grumpy but I didn't eat too much. And no more comments were made about how much I ate.

No one's POV:

Virgil, Logan, and Patton were sitting in the living room, doing their things. Logan, reading, Virgil, is on Tumblr, and Patton doing a crossword puzzle. It was weirdly quiet in the room without Roman singing or talking. All of them felt like something was off but didn't want to say anything in case the others didn't notice.

Virgil put down his phone and sighed, "Have you guys noticed anything...odd about Roman?"

Logan put down his book, "I have noticed he's been quieter recently."

Patton nods, "He also hasn't eaten much. Even though I try to add extra food to his plate, he doesn't accept. Even his favorite foods."

"And he hasn't sung anything recently. It's been too quiet in the house. Should we...?" Virgil says, pulling his sleeves over his hands. 

Logan nods, "Yes I feel as if that would be best." 

The three of them got up and walked to Roman's door. The door was darker than it normally was and Virgil could feel his anxiety as if it was spilling out of the room. Before they knocked, Logan put his ear up to the door and listened. What he heard shocked him. Roman was rehearsing, yes, but he was saying awful things about himself and then responding in different ways until he got the perfect response. Logan didn't bother knocking and just opened the door, startling Roman.  

Roman:

I looked at them startled. They all just stared at me in shock. Logan looked the most concerned and confused. I quickly hid the script I was using behind my back saying softly, "What brings you three here?"

"We were worried about you kiddo!" Patton said, loudly and I winced at the sound. I had started getting headaches when cutting back on food. 

"Roman...What were you doing before we walked in?" Logan asked, looking at me as if he was analyzing me. 

"I was...working on a script and was practicing," I say hoping he'd believe it.

"What was it about?" Patton asked not noticing Logan's look at me.

"It...it's about..." I struggled to think of something to say.

"Can I see the script?" Logan said as he walked closer to me, holding out his hand. 

"No!" I quickly clutch the script to my script to my chest. They look at me startled at my outburst. Logan looks at me with concern in his eyes and takes a step towards me and reaches to take the script. I move away from him afraid of what they'd do if they found out what I was doing. Probably laugh at me.

Logan takes another step forward and gently takes the script out of my mind. He looks it over and the concern on his face becomes worried as he looks up at me and then back at the script. My heart stopped. I didn't want this to happen. I wanted to be perfect for them. To be who they wanted me to be and they found out I was a fake. I started struggling to breathe and sank to the floor. I vaguely registered that Virgil rushed over to help me while Logan stared at the script. 

After a few minutes, I could breathe normally, but I couldn't bring myself to look at Logan. At some point during my panic attack, Virgil had moved me from the floor to my bed. Patton and Logan had joined us and we were cuddling on my bed as they comforted me. I knew I would have to talk with them eventually about what Logan saw, but right now I was safe and I knew they loved me.

Word Count: 885

A/N: I like randomly got this inspiration and had to write it. I thought it would be like 300-400 words and suddenly its almost 900. The ending is eh but oh well. Let me know if you want me to continue it from where I left it off. Have a good day/afternoon/night.