𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 ➺ 𝐵𝓇𝒾𝒶𝓃 𝑀𝒶𝓎/𝒬𝓊𝑒𝑒𝓃

𝟏𝟗 𝐒𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐦𝐛

A/N 

Yes, another update so soon. It's just pouring out of me haha. 

I really hope you're all excited to get your hands on the paperback of Peace Lovin' Guy. I'm excited for it to come out! Let me know if you'll be bagging a copy! 

As for this chapter, it's pretty dark, but it's a chapter nonetheless. Buckle up, kids, it's about to get very tumultuous for our beloved Brian and Maria. 

C. Bijou x 

TRIGGER WARNING: angst, and self-harming...

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19 ~ succumb ~

I would have loved to tell you all that each week got easier on the farm – and it did, for a while. But that last week was the hardest I'd had in a long time.

I don't even know why I was surprised that Brian had someone waiting for him back home. He has always been the most gorgeous man on the planet, of course there was a woman in his life besides me. I never forgot about his good looks, even when we were apart. It was impossible not to be drawn to him. However, deep down, I should have known someone like him wouldn't be single for long.

As much as I tried to push the thought away, it lingered in the back of my mind now that I knew he had someone else in his life. It was a bittersweet feeling – on one hand, I was happy for him that he had found somebody, but on the other hand, it stung to know that I wasn't the only one vying for his affection.

But such is life, and I knew I had to move on and accept that this time at the farm was nothing but a product of isolation.

Brian had tried to talk to me multiple times that last week, but I just couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye and listen to him talk about another woman in the way he would have once spoken about me to others.

The only reason I hadn't lashed out at him over this was purely the fact that I had done the same, if not worse, to him. I was the last person that should be lecturing him or scolding him on keeping this Chrissie woman a secret from me. The idea of another woman brought my insecurities back to the surface.

Was she more beautiful than me? More successful? More interesting? I couldn't help but feel like I was in a competition with her, even though I didn't know anything about her.

Regardless, I couldn't be a hypocrite. I slept with Roger. Brian's best friend. I had no right to judge.

So, I did what I did best, and I avoided him.

As the last week at the farm approached its end, I couldn't help but notice a strange shift in the atmosphere. The boys now seemed wary and guarded around me. They avoided longer conversations with me and were overly attentive at the same time, like they were trying to keep an eye on me without drawing attention to themselves. It was an uncomfortable feeling.

Despite the tension, there was a silver lining to the situation: the boys had been forced to finish the recording the album without any distractions. With the deadline looming, they had no choice but to put their noses to the grindstone and focus on their music. I continued to observe their long hours perfecting every note and lyric.

As I watched them work, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride. They had come so far in such a short amount of time, and I had been lucky enough to witness it all first-hand. Even though there was a strange atmosphere, I knew these were still moments I would cherish forever.