Destiny

I like her

Did you ever left someone you love because you think you don't deserve them?

Sam:

I am angry, scratch it, I am furious. Liam took Olivia on a date and I can't do anything about it. Of course I like olivia. I saw her at the party. When she spilled the drink on me I saw the fear in her eyes. She was beautiful, she was repeatedly apologizing but Julia started shouting at her. I was angry because I couldn't shout back at julia. I redirected my anger towards Olivia. I ask her to leave so that she doesn't have to listen to julia. The first thing I observed is her eyes, they are beautiful but lifeless. I want to see her eyes shining bright, at first it was a small attraction.

When we met next time in the college the way she talked with Julia and Ashton surprised me. I never thought she would talk back after I saw the fear in her eyes at the party. I was really amused by this side of her.

Day by day the little attraction turned into something scary. I decided not to talk with her but I always enjoyed when she talked with dylan. Her smile, the way she talks animatedly made it difficult.

I was angry with her when she helped Dylan from ashton. What if something happened to her? When I saw Ashton slamming her head to the wall my heart stopped beating for a second. I almost beat Ashton to death and stopped when I was satisfied. I made sure he will be scared whenever he see her. I was so worried about her but I can't let myself get lost around her so I watched Dylan taking care of her.

At the party when I was dancing with her. I can't stop looking at her. She is absolutely beautiful. The way she teased me about lap dance I almost lost my control. My heart fluttered when she talked back with my father. The way she talked about me, the way she stood for me. Nobody will come in between when dad is angry, not even my mother. But she stood for me that's when I deeply fell for her.

When we went to the beach that night, for the first time I saw a carefree olivia. She was always self conscious around people but that night she was dancing as if she doesn't care about the world and that's when I saw her eyes brighten. I couldn't stop myself and I kissed her. It will always be a special one. No matter how many girls I kissed, it's nothing compared to kissing her. For a moment I forgot everything but suddenly I came back to reality and pushed her away. I told her it was a mistake but it is not and it will never be. I can't let her in because I will ruin her. I have a lot of secrets to hide and when she knows who really I am she will hate me. 

I will never forget how her face fell when I told her it was a mistake. I don't even know how to face her. All I want to do is grab her and kiss her again until she knows that she is mine and I am hers. I was never in a relationship. I don't know how to handle these feelings. I know it is better to stay away so that she don't have to deal with my fucked up life.

Today when liam told he was taking her on a date my blood boiled. I wanted to beat the shit of him but I remained silent, which is for her best. Sometimes it is better to leave the person you like instead of dragging her into your mess. 

I am depressed and angry so I came to spend time with my mom and Eric. Mom had a suspicious look when she saw me. She wanted to ask something but she remained silent. I want to discuss this with someone. I want to let it out about my feelings for Olivia. For some reason I can't tell Dylan so I thought mom would be a better option.

"Will you tell me the reason behind that face?" mom asked.

"It's nothing mom."

"Sure" she narrowed her eyes.

"Is this about the girl you brought to the party?" She asked curiously and I raised my eyebrow.

"Why are you so sure about it?"

"Since that day, I saw you behaving weirdly and you didn't talk to me properly. You always spaced out while I am talking to you and I saw the way you looked at her. The way you had a smile while you were dancing with her so I guessed it has something to do with her. Do you like her?" I was silent for some time but my mom held my hand with an encouraging smile.

"Yes" I whispered.

"I knew it" she squealed.

"What's the problem?"

"You know what happened last year. I can't pull her into my mess. I don't want to involve her in any of this."

"Whatever happened last year has nothing to do with you. I told you and Dylan about this many times, you guys should move on and because of this you can't ignore a girl you like, you should let her in."

"It is complicated."

"Love itself is complicated. All you have to do is stay with your loved ones no matter what." my eyes widened.

"Mom, I like her, I don't love her." she raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure? Ask the same question to yourself" I am scared to know the answer.

"Imagine her being with another guy in the same place you want to be, if you are okay with that then leave her. If you can't imagine someone with her then go tell her you like her."

"I don't want her with any other guy" I am angry.

"There you go. Go tell her you like her but remember one thing, I want my children to be happy that doesn't mean you can hurt others for your happiness. Got it?" I nodded.