Chasing After You

38

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"Cloud, wait..." hinabol ko siya hanggang sa bumalik ito sa temporary office nito nang lumabas ito mula sa opisina ni Daddy. Basta ko na lang din iniwan ang folder sa lamesa nito at mabilis na sinundan ang lalaki.

Napansin ko ang ibang empleyado roon na tumingin sa akin ngunit sa totoo lang, wala na rin akong pakialam kung tumingin man sila.

I closed the door behind me. Pinagmasdan ko siya at walang naging pagbabago sa reaksyon nito. Seryoso pa rin ito at tila walang pakialam sa kung anuman ang sasabihin ko sa kanya. Tinapunan niya lang ako ng tingin bago ibinalik ang mata sa papeles na nasa lamesa nito.

"What is it, Ms. Laurel?" he asked me, coldly.

I know I deserved that treatment. I know I deserved that.

"I..." I looked down and bit my lip hard. Hindi na rin ako makahinga ng ayos dahil sa pagbabara ng ilong ko dahil sa pag-iyak. "I... I want to apologize..."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita kong natigilan si Cloud sa ginagawa nito. He put down the papers and breathed heavily. Tumingin din ito sa akin ngunit nananatiling walang reaksyon ang mukha nito habang nakatingin sa akin.

"I... I know I was wrong. For saying all those things..." sabi kong muli habang humihikbi. "I... I was just really scared about what's happening and–"

"You figured you don't trust me," he cut me off. He laced his words with pain and disappointment. He has all the rights to feel bad. After what I told him, he has all the rights to feel bad, to be mad.

"No... no, it's not that–"

"It's okay, Ms. Laurel. I get it now." He cleared his throat and looked away. "If you don't mind, I still need to pack my things here.

"You don't have to leave..." humakbang ako papalapit sa kanya ngunit mabilis niya rin akong pinahinto sa paglalakad.

"Please, Ms. Laurel. What happened was crystal clear..." he looked at me again and I could see pain in his eyes. "In between us two, I was the only one holding on to you. I was the only one waiting for you. I was the only one who continued to love you. I held on to someone who wasn't mine to hold. I held on to you, and to our memories together. I thought there was still a chance for us..."

"Cloud..." I looked at him as my tears continued to flow from my eyes. Nakita ko rin ang pagpatak ng luha sa mga mata ni Cloud bago ito muling tumikhim at pinunasan ang pisngi nito.

"I am sorry that I came back to your life, Ashanti," he said again before turning his back on me. "Please, leave. I still have things to do now. The chase ends here."

"I'm sorry... I... I was blinded with... with confusion, with fear. I admit, I wasn't thinking straight and, I thought... you have no reason to come back, Cloud. Masisisi mo ba ako?" I covered my lips as I started sobbing. Kumuyom ang kamay ni Cloud dahil sa sinabi ko.

He looked at me and creased his forehead. "You. You're my reason for coming back!"

Hindi ako nakapagsalita sa sinabi niya.

"I've been very honest with you," muling sabi ni Cloud sa akin. "You just really made it clear that you don't trust me and I was the one who was just imagining you loved me, too."