TW: SH, disordered eating, active suicidal ideation, depression, sa, attempting but getting found before he take the measures to end it, also 1 failed attempt and an accidental one
Request by @vivathekid also this is 2769 words
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Sodo woke up at around 12 pm as usual. He closed his eyes and attempted to go back to sleep and did for about ten minutes but then he couldn't anymore. He grabbed his phone and then went and scrolled through tiktok for about an hour. Then he got out of bed and went to the bathroom. Once that was done he got back in bed and scrolled on tiktok again for about half an hour until he got bored, then he started thinking about bad things again.
He opened his phone case and then pulled out the blade and then took his hoodie off. He stared between the blade and his arm for a few seconds and then trailed it across. Blood tricked out and rolled down his arm and he quickly got a tissue before it could drip. He cut again, this time deeper, and then again. He did it until it stung too much and there was too much blood on his arm to keep cutting in the same place. He had made a promise to himself that he would never cut his right arm and he had upheld that, but everyday he wants to. Soon enough there won't be any space on his left arm that isn't coated with fresh, stinging cuts. But then he could always use his thighs again, or his stomach. Maybe he could cut off some of the stupid fat. He knows he can see his ribs when he breathes in but when he breathes out he can't, that means hes fat. His arms and thighs still have some fat to them though, not a lot but enough not to cut to the bone.
His face looks the same though. With him already having a smaller face he can hide his weight loss. He knows that if anyone saw they would try convince him he was skinny, too skinny they might say but until he feels skinny enough he's ugly. He's so ugly. When he zones in he quickly wipes the blood away. He puts his hoodie back on and curses at the sting. He stands up, hides the bloody tissues, puts his blade away and then shoves on his sliders and walks into the kitchen. He looks at the time and it is 4pm too early to eat.
He grabs a drink of water and then sits down and je is holding it with his right hand. Swiss and Rain walk in and come and sit with him. "Hey man." Swiss says and like goes to bro handshake. Sodo raises his left hand from where it was sat on his jigging leg under the table and notices all of the blood, staining the hoodie. He quickly hides his arm but its too late. "What was that?" Rain asked and Swiss and Rain were looking at him. "Nothing." He mumbles and looks down. "Sodo let me see your arm." Swiss says and holds his hand out and Sodo doesn't move. "Please show me." Rain says upset. Rain was the one that figured out he had been cutting his thighs.
He promised him he would stop, and he did for a couple months but one night it all got too much and he cut his arm ans then developed a sudden love for hoodies. "Sodo raises his shaking hand from under the table and Swiss gently grabs his hand and starts pulling his sleeve up. "Ow, stop it." Sodo says but Swiss keeps pulling it up gently. He peaks at it and the deeper cut he did was pouring with blood onto the table. "Sodo what have you done." Rain says and gets emotional. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it again but then something happened and I did it. Then I just didn't care anymore." Sodo says and bursts out crying. Swiss gives him a hug and then sighs. "You need stitches." He says and Sodo nods.
"I'm sorry." He says and Swiss side hugs him. They all walk to the medical suite and then Sodo is taken to a room immediately and stitched up in about ten minutes. "You can't tell anyone." He says to Swiss and Rain. "We're supposed to tell Papa." He says and Sodo starts crying again. "No, you can't please, he'll make me take a break. The band is the only thing keeping me here, touring around. You can't tell him." He begs and Swiss sighs and agrees then so does Rain.
He goes back to his room and then decides to take a shower. He was given a waterproof thing to put over the bandages so he does and then turns the shower onto an 8. The hottest temperature. He waits a couple seconds and then steps in and bites his fist so he doesn't scream. He stays under for about five seconds and then immediately turns it to a two so it still hurts. Once he's don't that for as long as possible he puts it on a six and has a shower.
