Unforeseeable

Chapter 26

"You don't need to stay here. I know you care about me, and I don't want to bring up any bad memories." I hear Levi and Lowell talking in the hospital room. Clutching flowers in my hand and I turn around and press my back against the door. I can't help myself from listening to their conversation.
"Levi, listen to me. It's my fault you're in here and I want to make sure you're doing alright. You shouldn't be worrying about me, I should be worrying about you."
"I'm fine."
"So am I." The words are cold.
Their conversation decends into silence and I consider this a good moment to enter. I swing around the doorframe and when Levi sees me he smiles. Lowell runs a hand through his hair and turns around, looking out the window and onto the street moving below us.
"I brought you some flowers. Is that weird? The girl getting the guy flowers?" He smiles brighter and kisses my hand.
"I think it's cute." His smile is contagious and I put the flowers into a vase beside his bed.
"I've got to go. Nice to see you, Quinn. Take care brother." Lowell says his goodbyes, but doesn't make eye contact with either of us as he leaves. The door swings shut and as soon as Lowell is out of earshot I hear Levi let out a sigh.
"Is he okay?" I hear myself ask. Curiosity bubbles beneath my skin and I force myself not to itch it.
"He has a lot going on right now. Not my story to tell." I nod and glance behind me at the door Lowell walked out of. "Hey." I turn back to Levi, his hands warm around mine. "Thank you for the flowers." I smile and we talk for a while, Lowell being forgotten.
•••••
As I leave the hospital doors a hand touches my shoulder. Spinning around in a panic I stare into the face of Lowell, him smiling slightly at my reaction.
"You okay?"
"No. You scared me." He laughs but it quickly dies down into seriousness.
"You're going out with my brother, and I guess that means I'm going to be seeing a lot more of you. Can I show you something?" I nod and he leads the way to a large black jeep, swinging open the passenger door for me.
"We are driving there?"
"Yup. Get in."
•••••
The beeping hovering in the air is steady. Looking down at the person in front of me my stomach flutters, dark bags and pale skin somehow stare up at me through closed eyes. Dry blonde hair hangs around a heart shaped face, and a small golden band wraps around a ring finger.
"Who is she." My words are so quiet, smothered by the atmosphere.
"Claudia. My fiance." When I look over at Lowell I see longing in his eyes. He looks down at the sleeping girl and his jaw clenches.
"What happened to her?"
"Drunk driver hit our car while I was driving. Just like with Levi."
"It's not your fault." His eyes collide with mine and I hear the sound of clashing swords in my skull. There is a flash of fierceness and anger in his eyes.
"Don't try to sympathize with me. You know nothing about the guilt of hurting another person." His words are sharp and strike me hard.
"You know nothing about me." I see the spark flicker and die. A small sigh escapes his lips as his shoulders slump slightly.
"No, you're right. I'm sorry." I want to hug him, but something holds me back. "She has been sleeping for months now. I just want her to wake up, you know? She is my everything and sometimes I feel like I can't continue living if I never look into her eyes again."
"You will." He looks at me and I hope he sees nothing but truth. "One day her eyes will open and her fingers will move and then before you know it she will be in your arms again. I promise you."
"I hope you know what you're talking about." The conversation flutters but before it can die he asks me a question. "Quinn, who have you hurt?"
"The people I wanted to protect the most."
Lowell sits down on the seat pulled up to Claudia's side. His movements are heavy and I float in the corner, like a loose page of a book placed in the wrong chapter.
"How did you forgive yourself?"
"I haven't yet. I don't think I will ever fully be able to, but it hurts a lot less now. The guilt is more like a hum then a scream. Mostly I just let myself believe that despite everything they would forgive me, and it helped me begin to forgive myself."
Lowell doesn't say anything else, he picks up Claudia's empty hand and places it against his lips. His palms cup it like a lifeline and I leave the room, pretending not to notice the tears in his eyes.