King/Harlequin x Helbram one shot

Always here for you even if I'm dead

TW : SH (self-harm), SA (sexual assault), suicidal though, suicide attemp, cannibalisme, gore, maybe 13+

Harlequin/King P.O.V

I was here, laying in the taverne bathroom crying silently for nobody to hear my weak cry. I was crying for all the person I had lost, for all the pain I cause, for being born in this world, for existing, for being a coward to not end everything, for not being able to say no when my father ask to touch me, for letting him touching me, I wanted to die so much but I don't have the guts to actually do it even if I really wanted it I didn't have the guts to.

I look at the spear in my hands and look at my bloody arms, it wasn't enough for me, I needed more, I don't care if I lose to much blood, I don't care that it hurt, that's all I deserve after all for all the pain I cause to people.

I take of my jacket and roll up the bottom of my pants, I put the spear on my skin, press down a bit and make a deep line on my skin, it was bleeding a lot but I didn't care about it anymore, tears were rolling down my amber eyes as I put other deep line into my skin.

It wasn't even sad anymore, I was just smiling looking at my 'trophy'. I whipe my tears away and let out shaky breath. I couldn't stop thinking about when I kill him, the one that truly loved me and accepte me for who I was, my hown lover...

I would NEVER forgive myself for that, he was my everything and I just kill him like that it's just selfish and I knew it, I just laugh at myself but not to loud to not wake up anyone. I was crazy I guess but did I care ? Not at all. 

It was funny to watch myself suffer, so much funny...

I don't know how many time pass since I enter the bathroom, I could hear my sister calling me to come eat breakfast, I hide my cuts as much as I could and want down the stairs. 

When I was down the stairs I could see that everyone was already here, they were all looking at me and I didn't like it at all, they were judging me and I knew it, Ban like always start to annoye me and make fun of me like always. But I didn't even care anymore I just wanted to end everything right know...

I just pretend to be mad and yell at him like I always do, of course my sister start to take her boyfriend defence, sometime I wish that she had stay dead but I don't know why is it bad ? I think it is... 

Do I care ? Not anymore, I used to but I don't anymore.

I just stop yelling at him and want back to my room like I always do, I close the door and fall to the ground, I cry again, silently.

I couldn't even feel any other emotion then sadness, it was horrible and I hated it, I could feel my heart break every second that pass, it feel like it wasn't an expression anymore and that it was really breaking inside me...

I hear someone coming up the stairs and I whipe my tears an lay on the bed to pretend that I was asleep, I hear the door open and shut down right after, I was scared for some reason, I didn't know the aura that was with me and that scare me a lot. 

It only take 5 seconds for me to understand that it wasn't a member of the 7DS nor anyone that I knew, when I look at the man it was a client of the taverne, I could tell that he was drunk, they already open the taverne ? Wait- What is he doing here in the first place ?! 

I scream at the man to leave but he didn't, I understand what he was doing here when he start to go on the top of me, I didn't wanted to leave that again so I transform chastifol in his spear form and I pireces the man in the heart, that immediatly kill him.

When I realise what I did I push the dead body away and start to shake.

Why did it feel so.....nice....?

I look at the dead body in front of me, why did it smell great ? I wanted it....

I wake up again in the bathroom, but when I look at my hands there was blood but I knew it wasn't mine, I couldn't remember anything of what happen before it was all black when I try to remember. 

I look in front of me and I did a silent scream, don't tell me I did that...? Fuck guess I'm really mess up...

I sigh and want out of the bathroom, I see that everyone was...asleep ? It was already night ? Guess going out a bit couldn't hurt right ?

I hide my aura and want out of the taverne, I didn't even have the strengh to fly so I just walk outside. It was calm outside and cold at the same time it was great, no annoying sound, only the sounds of birds and of the wind. It's very calming and I like it, that may be one of the thing that I miss if I die. 

I continue to alk around when I see a forest, it's kinda remind me of my forest so I want inside, I alk inside and look around the forest, so many beautiful flowers were here, I then though about something. 

I continue to look around and find the flower I was looking for, l'aconitum napellus the flower that is consider as the most toxic flower in the world. I smile at it, they were so beautiful...

I take one and smile even more, I wonder if I can eat it. 

I didn't even bother to do anything and just eat the flower like that, it didn't tast very good but who care ? It's to kill me not for pleasur that I eat it. 

I feel myself become dizzy and feel a pain everywhere in my body. I don't remember anything that happen after this.

When I wake up- Wait why did I wake up ?! How ?!

"You're awake." I hear a voice said, but not a stranger voice, I knew that voice, it was his voice. But I though I kill him ?! How is it possible ?!

"Ho-how...?" I ask him, he look at me and didn't answer, I could see tears rolling down his check. I was about to ask again but he cut me off by huging me, atleast what feel like a hug, I start to cry as I 'hug' him back. 

"Please don't try again..." I didn't said anything, they all think it's easy uh ? Well it isn't ! The voices will always be here ! The feeling of emptyness will always be here ! The urge to do it again will always be here ! The feeling that it's the only solution will always be here ! But they don't understand that ! No one does ! That's unfair ! They don't understand unless it happen to them ! 

"I can't promise..." 

"I'm here if you need to talk to someone, just take my helmet and when you need me I will be here." He said giving me his helmet, I take it and want to thanks him but when I look at him he had disapeard. 

I look down and sigh. It was almost the morning so I had to go back to the taverne even though I know they won't care if something happen to me since I can heal myself but who said I wanted to heal myself ? 

I get up and walk toward the taverne, like when I leave I didn't have the strengh to fly, not for the moment...

Days past since my attemp, novody knew about it and it was fine, not like they would care anywais, I start to talk a bit to Helbram but not about my problems, I just talk to him because I miss him a lot, he didn't force me to talk about my problems so I didn't talk about it, plus I don't want to bother him with all the pain that I deserve.

now weeks had pass and Helbram start to push a little for me to tell more about my problems but I really didn't wanted to talk about it for the moment, he understand and didn't push to far but still push it a bit but he stop not even 2 days after seeing that I was unconfortable and I'm glad he did.

After 1 years or 2 I don't remember I start to open up a bit to him, I'm glad I did, he was here to confort me when I needed, he help me stay clean for 1 month ! I love him so much. Opening up to him wasn't a bad idea, I talk to him little by little about my problems and he always try to confort me as much as I can. 

I don't know were I would be right know without him to be honest, I love him so much. I really hope he never leave me again...