Querencia (Midnight #1)

Chapter 5

warning : self-harm

Five
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈✧༺ ♥༻∞

I sat down on the edge of my bed with a heavy heart.

This day had been so harsh on me. Even if I hate this day I can slowly embrace this because I know I'll make myself okay and that's another achievement of mine.

I smiled to myself when I saw my reflection in the mirror.

Dahan-dahan kong tinanggal ang tsinelas sa aking paa at marahang humiga sa aking kama. Hinila ko ang kumot ko paakyat sa kalahati ng katawan ko bago ipinikit ang mata.

Full of sharp blades met my dark imagination. I opened my eyes again when I realized my own feet were walking towards the kitchen. I forced myself not to think about sharp blades but my whole being was being happy because of what I saw in my imagination.

Naninindig ang balahibo ko dahil doon.

I almost jumped when I realized I am now holding a sharp knife. The knife reflects on its stainless steel that made me want to touch my skin.

I felt my chest heave because of that. My tears started rolling down my cheeks when my own hands started to move without my consent.

Tuloy-tuloy ang luha na dumaloy sa aking pisngi nang simulan kong idikit sa aking balat ang matalim na kutsilyo.

"Ang tanga-tanga mo kasi. . ." I whispered to myself as I screamed.

I screamed again when I felt my hands pushing the knife to my skin.

Muling lumandas sa aking pisngi ang mainit at nag-uunahan na luha ng maramdaman ko ang hapdi galing doon.

Lalo akong napahagulgol nang makita ko ang dugong unti-unting lumabas galing sa balat kong unti-unti nang napapasok ng kutsilyo.

I shut my eyes and my Mom's words keep repeating through my head.

"Stupid, sana hindi na lang kita naging anak!"

"I disgusted you!"

"Wala akong anak na tanga at bobo."

"Medyo nahirapan, Harmonia? Did you even took a peek on your counsins' grades? Hindi ka na nahiya sa sarili mo. My God, having line of eight in an e-card is not in our blood, Harmonia!"

"She's not my daughter,"

"Kung sana kasing galing mo ang Kuya at Ate mo, hindi sana kita ikinakahiya."

Umalingawngaw ang kalansing ng kutsilyo sa tiles naming sahig nang mahulog iyon mula sa aking kamay. I held both my ears and covered them as I kept hearing my Mom's words.

I cried. "P-please. . . tama na, t-tama na. . ."

I held my chest when I felt how much heavier it became than usual, I gasped for air when I couldn't breathe properly.

Unti-unting nanlalabo ang aking paningin ko dahil sa bigat ng aking paghinga. Bago pa 'ko tuluyang matumba ay nakarinig ako nang matinis na bagsak at hagulgol mula sa aking likuran.

I turned to it and revealed my Ate Hera who's having trouble getting what I am doing to myself. She shook her head as the new tears rolled down to her cheeks.

Lumapit sa akin si Ate Hera nang may malakas na hagulgol. Mabilis niya akong niyakap at tila para bang hinehele ako.

"Harmony, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. . ." she stopped and cut our hug she hushed when I started crying like a lost child.