Querencia (Midnight #1)

Chapter 9

Nine
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈✧༺ ♥༻∞

"You okay?"

'Yan ang bumungad sa akin ngayong gabi pag tapos naming kumain ng dinner.

After what happened earlier parang 'di na muna ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob kumausap ng kahit sino sa kanila—I'm still thinking a way how can I make my Mom proud this time. Kahit ngayon lang.

Because, after all, that's all I want.

Hinahanda ko na ang sarili ko sa panibagong linggo na naman ang darating sa makalawa. I want to divert my attention away from my family.

I want to focus on things I want and I can do it.

Gusto ko may mangyari ngayong linggo na ito.

Last quarter I passed all my quizzes and exams. Now, I want to excel them, I want the best, I don't want enough because that wasn't enough for my Mom.

She always wants the best—not enough.

'Cause for her, being enough doesn't mean being the best.

And because of that, she doesn't want to be enough. That's why I put extra effort on studying

Dahil hindi sapat sa kanya ang pagiging sapat lang, gusto niya ang sobra at nag-uumapaw. She wants the best in everything, 'cause she doesn't have any failures in her life.

For some reason, I want to meet her parents—my grandparents. I want to ask them why they did this to become my mother like this?

Kasi hindi naman lalaki nang ganito ang Mommy ko kung hindi nila masyado in-e-expect-an nang sobra-sobra.

Maybe the idea of being number one and being the top—is the idea of her parents. Kaya siya nagkakaganito dahil sa magulang niya at sa nagpalaki sa kaniya.

I never met my grandparents even once because they died when Kuya Harlow's still a baby. Walang ni isa sa aming magkakapatid ang nakaka-alam o nakakilala man lang sila.

I want to meet them.

Naging masama ba sila sa Mommy ko? Or hindi? Sadyang ganito lang talaga siya?

Paano ba nila itrinato ang nanay ko para maging ganito siya sa amin? Is it her own way to raise us? Or. . . she adopt this from her parents?

Ang daming tanong ang naglalaro ang utak ko ngunit ni isa ay wala akong sagot na mahanap.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ko hahanapin.

O kung dapat ko pa bang hanapin?

"Hey. . . what's happening? Are you okay?"

Nabalik ako sa realidad ng muling umulit ang boses ng aking kapatid. Nasa harapan ko lang siya at may tingin na pag-aalala at kuryosidad.

I gave her a warm and soft smile.

Her gaze softened when I smiled at her.

"I'm fine, Ate. I promise, I'll be." Pangako ko bago lumapit sa kanya ng bahagya para maabot siya upang mabigyan ng isang mahigpit at mainit na yakap.

"You're sure?" She asked as she caressed my back. "You know you can always lean on me, okay? I don't want to tell you it's okay because it really is not okay. . . but it'll be," she assured me.

I slowly nodded my head.

Walang namumuong luha o kahit anong bigat sa aking dibdib.

My heart is just happy that I still have them even if the world's so cruel to me. 'Yon ang lagi kong iniisip, kung masama na ang mundo sa akin—then I should be gentle and careful enough to myself.