Querencia (Midnight #1)

Chapter 26

Twenty-six
ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈✧༺♥༻∞

"Ready?"

I looked at Kuya Harlow. Bumuntong hininga ako at umiling. I will never be ready for this. I feel like vomiting because of nervousness. Ayoko na muna umalis sa bahay dahil sa nararamdaman ko. I feel like I am not going to make it for this school year.

Fuck.

I am now entering my Senior High School.

Pakiramdam ko parang kahapon lang noong tumuntong ako ng Junior High School. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at saka ibinagsak ang sarili sa kama. Hindi matatawaran ng nararamdaman ko ngayon ang katotohanang papasok na ako bilang isang Senior High School student. I feel so dramatic but valid at the same time.

Why am I even scared of entering SHS, right? Mukha namang kakayanin ko. . .

"You can do it, Harmony. I swear. Kung kinaya namin, alam kong kaya mo rin." Kuya Harlow reminded me as he ruffled my hair.

Lumapit ako sa kanya upang yakapin siya nang mahigpit. "Will I be fine without Ate?" Tanong ko.

Nangingilid ang luha ko. Ate Hera chose to study in Manila, in Ateneo De Manila to be exact. I know she really wants to be independent and wants different kinds of experiences. . . but there is no night that I've been looking for her presence. She's every where, gusto ko siyang sundan, gusto ko ring manatili kung nasaan siya.

Pero, hindi p'wede.

Mom wouldn't allow me.

Kuya Harlow and Kuya Hunter have that kind of opportunity—pareho silang nakapasa sa unibersidad pangarap nilang pag-aralan. . . but they chose to stay because there wasn't a parent who would provide and look for us.

Kaya ngayong p'wede na si Ate Hera at Kuya Hunter. . . Ate Hera gladly took the opportunity to study in Manila. Wala akong magawa dahil hindi pa 'ko p'wede roon. Kuya Hunter chose to stay again—he said; he already build the friendship and family he could ever asked for. . . gusto niyang manatili rito sa maraming dahilan, pero iyon ang isa.

"Miss na miss ko na po si Ate," I uttered. Inihiga ko ang aking ulo sa kanyang dibdib at dinama ang pag-ikot ng dalawa niyang braso sa akin.

She left a month ago. Marami rin kasi ang kailangang ayusin sa condo niya sa Manila, she needs to get used to on her new environment. . . her so called home for four years, gusto ko na rin talaga roon.

I mean, I have my brothers here. . . but my Ate Hera's care was different. Pakiramdam ko dahil alam na alam niya ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Pakiramdam ko dahil ang nararamdaman naming babaeng magkapatid ay naka-konekta sa kung ano at paano ang mararamdaman namin.

I miss her so bad.

"She will be back in no time, Harms. Mag-aaral lang si Hera roon." Kuya Harlow shushed me.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. "Why can't she just stay here? I know I sound so pathetic. . . pero mamimiss ko kasi nang sobra si Ate, Kuya. I am so selfish, I hate it."

"Shush. . . it's okay, your feelings are valid, okay? Hera will just be gone for four years. . . pero p'wedeng-p'wede naman natin siya bisitahin kahit kailan natin gusto. Stop crying, Harms, your makeup is such a mess now," pang-aasar pa nito.

Hinampas ko ang dibdib niya habang sisinghot-singhot. Kumuha siya ng tissue at marahan na ipinunas sa ilalim ng aking mga mata.

"Kuya naman," naiinis kong ani.

He chuckled. "I'm sorry. . ."

"Ewan ko sa 'yo, Kuya." Muli kong hinampas ang kaniyang dibdib.

Our laughs were interrupted when the door was harshly opened. It's Kuya Hunter with a silly grin on his face. Hawak-hawak niya ang cellphone niya na mukhang naka-on call. Kuya Harlow and I looked at each-other, pareho kaming nagkibit balikat at tiningnan kung sino ang katawagan nito.