Book 3: Updating

Chapter 10

The next day I woke up the way I fell asleep: heart broken. Tears soaked my pillow as I waited for the pain to subside enough to get up.

I ran my fingers over my mark, back and forth for many minutes and waited. He did not respond.

Why are you punishing me? I sobbed.

The pups began to kick and I rubbed my belly knowing he could feel both.
He did not respond.

Can I have Fang please? This hurts more than I can stand. Just one minute. Please Jesse, please? I begged for a response as the triplets fully woke up and began kicking hard almost seeming to be willing their daddy to respond.

Please? I will do anything. Just a minute with me? His silence broke me in ways nothing ever had.

I shifted, and ran out the door before any guards could respond and follow me. I ran until I found the ocean. I dove in and swam until I was exhausted and frozen, and then I ran and ran until I lost all track of anything but foot falls and gasping for air.

Then I ran home. I remembered my grief, and my heart broke again. I dove into the ocean again, opening my eyes under the salt water to make them burn. Staying in the water too long to freeze myself, blocking out the pain that was driving me crazy. My mind begging the pain in my heart to stop. I came out on the beach and howled in excruciating pain until I was horse. I laid my head on my paws as tears fell. Powerful grief poured from my heart. I felt deep loneliness.

He completely abandoned me. Why was he punishing me so severely?

I laid there as the tide went out and came back in again. My fur became hot under the sun, and I was definitely dehydrated, but I refused to move.

When I came out of my shocked and painful state, I heard Sargent Davies checking in on me.

Sorry Davies. I broke. I just lost it. I needed to run, swim, scream… I needed a personal day. Sorry for not notifying you. My mate treats me like I don’t exist and something in me snapped. I will be better tomorrow. I am sorry. I responded.

I will cover for you. I understand. Take the day. You have gone through a lot and it caught up to you. See you tomorrow. He signed off.

Jesse felt all that, and didn’t care. Fang felt it and did nothing. I got up on wobbly legs and made my way home.

When I got inside, Jesse was taking a shower. I walked to our room, and laid on the floor like the family dog. I would need to shift and shower. My fur was knotted with dried salt water and sand. My feet were covered in cuts. I had cried out all my tears, and if he hurt me now, I probably wouldn’t react.

I heard the shower stop. Jesse came out. I shut my eyes tightly, because if I saw him, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
He stepped over me. I broke a little more, squinting my eyes shut tighter shaking. He really did reject me. I could hear my pulse in my ears. I couldn’t breathe. He stepped over me again and walked out the door like I didn’t exist.

Please? I whined at his back as he left the room. I just wanted this torture to end. I could take no more.

Somehow I stood up, got clothing, and got in the shower. I shifted and realized I had cuts from head to toe from the briars I ran past with tear blurred vision.

I got in the shower and sat down in the tub letting the water run over me until it turned cold. I didn’t notice. I was gone. No one found me. No one cared.
I was shivering and my lips were blue when Samantha checked on me.

What’s wrong? She asked.

Jesse hates me. I love him, and he hates me. I sobbed.

I can’t feel him. Samantha replied. But if you don’t get warm, the pups will get cold. She urged me.