𝘒𝘌𝘌𝘗 𝘐𝘛 𝘚𝘌𝘊𝘙𝘌𝘛 ®™ | lee heeseung

Chapter 39: decisive decision

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„Hyeona, what the hell are you talking about?".

I gasped for some air when I quickened my pace, and Heeseung was basically jogging after me. „I left Korea with the intention of getting you out of my head, to get over feelings for you. And everything worked fine. I was on a good path until you...you suddenly showed up?! Like, how am I supposed to react? How should I handle this situation, without messing up everything. I really missed you with my whole heart and I know that I'm the one who made this mistake first, but I need to protect my heart...and my family. I can't lose everything just because I can't control myself anymore. You know? I really really like you, and even if every cell in my body tells me different, it's better to stay good friends. With having you here by my side, I'm afraid to lose that control and make the same mistake again.".

I stopped all at once as the cinema building loomed in front of me. Everything was dark. Only the emergency lighting and the advertising pylons were still illuminated.

Jacob has already left?

The parking lot was empty. Apart from a few individual bicycles and cigarette machines, there was nothing else there.

Just me, staring in the darkness ahead, and Heeseung, a few steps behind me.

„Are you done? Can I say something now?", he approached me from behind, but I didn't turn around. My body refused to do so.

„All these months I have tried to do my best. For you, for us. I put so much into this relationship. Lying to my friends and family every day. And all you do is push me away. I know things didn't go the best way, but we could have worked that out. But you didn't want that. You only ever saw what you wanted to see. You push me away because you're afraid. Afraid of how other people would react if it gets out. Afraid of your brother. But still you protect Sunghoon, even though he's the only problem in this whole thing. Every time you talk about a mistake. The mistake that you are in love with me, the mistake that we dated. You see everything as a mistake, although it is only your own insecurity.".

As if in a trance, I absorbed every single word he said. My head, however, was blank. He was right. Of course, he was right. I was standing in my own way. The only problem and the only mistake in all this is me.

„Every single call you asked "how are things going with other girls?" "have you been on a date?". Like, I don't get it. Why is this so important to you. Why can't you just understand that I'm not interested in meeting other girls and stuff? You want your heart to be protected? What about mine? I'm not a light switch that you can just turn off when you want to. I can't just turn off feelings or forget about them. Have you ever wondered how I feel? You broke up with me on my fucking birthday!".

I never felt that guilty in my life before. „Hee...".

"No! You listen to me now," he interrupted me and I didn't even notice that he was standing directly opposite me.

„That person in the last four months, that wasn't you. That's not the Hyeona I know. But still, my mind is focused on nothing but bringing you back to me. We both promised we would pull this off together. And it's still the same. You can tell me 100 times to go on dates with other girls, but that won't change the fact that I only want you.".

I flinched slightly as he suddenly grabbed both of my hands.

„That's why I'm here. And even if it might be stupid or crazy, if you still want me too, then I'm ready to make the same mistake again.".