𝘒𝘌𝘌𝘗 𝘐𝘛 𝘚𝘌𝘊𝘙𝘌𝘛 ®™ | lee heeseung

Chaper 48: restart

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Quietly, the snow trickled down onto my hair as the two sliding doors of the airport opened, and I saw sunlight for the first time in 11 hours.

To my surprise, it was even colder outside than expected. I warmly rubbed my hands together as I waited outside at the cab stand with my suitcase for my mom to show up.

The entire process of traveling home had taken two weeks. Booking flights, quitting my job, saying goodbye to everyone, spending time with Kathy.

Now I was standing here looking at the street lightly covered in snow. Somehow, I expected my life to make a reboot. However, I was just as disoriented as before. A mediocre degree in my bag and no idea what I should do with it. Logically, I should actually go to university and study. Of course, this thought had crossed my mind a several times, but nothing really matched my interest. English perhaps? But what should I do with it then? Teaching profession?

Why can't I just go back to school, so I don't have to worry about my future like this?

A loud honk snapped me out of my thoughts and the attention of all passers-by was drawn to the silver car, which stopped with squealing tires in the parking lot of the cab stand.

Oh gosh, that's not mom.

The blonde guy got out of the car and walked around it. "Did you miss me?". Sunghoon put both hands in his pants pocket before he stopped in front of me, grinning.

It took me a moment to find my voice again. "I thought mom was picking me up.".

To be honest, I would have preferred even mom's awkward pickup with a "welcome back" sign than having, like now, everyone's eyes on us because Sunghoon couldn't manage to keep his voice down. Or at least he didn't care.

"Not even a hello?". He tilted his head and suddenly wrapped his arms around me, which completely threw me off my game. What the hell was happening? Like, did he actually care for me? "Did she force you to pick me up?".

"Am I not allowed to greet my sister after not hearing anything for almost half a year?". Sunghoon frowned and opened the trunk to put my suitcase inside.

A feeling of guilt spread through me. Of course, I had my reasons and needed distance from him, but it was not in order to contact him not even a single time.

"Sorry.", I apologized. "I know i acted like crap.".

We both got in the car and my brother started the engine. "It's my own fault. When I'm such a shitty older brother, it's not surprising.". In shock, I lowered my cell phone. Was he serious or was that another one of his great jokes? Like, there's no way he meant it. I suspected all along that he had no idea how fucked up I felt. 

"I know I have crossed some boundaries. And I also know that I have been one of the reasons you left. I mean, I can't blame you for that either.". 

Was he actually serious?

"The thing with Jake," Sunghoon suddenly laughed. "God, I don't know what was wrong with me. I was kind of paranoid that he had a crush on you, even though that's total bullshit. I don't know where I got the idea that you would even start something with one of my friends. You're so not that type.".  How I wish I could have said right now. "Gosh, you're absolutely right, Sunghoon. How can you even imagine such a thing?". But no words left my mouth. Instead, a crushing sense of guilt spread through my body, making it difficult to breathe.

"What if I would?", my voice sounded hoarse, on the verge of failure. I squinted over at my brother, who just frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?".