Abundance from Light

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

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Pain.

Stain.

What were the words that came into my mind when I remember those things said to me? I can't process it all for a second so It took me hours, days, and weeks for everything.

Gulong gulo ang isip ko sa lahat. Sinong mag aakala na kapatid ko ang ganong babae? Yes, she was nice when we’re little but now we’re adults, It changed, especially when we are loving the same man.

Yes, she had an advantage. Pipiliin siyya dahil may anak sila. Pipillin siya dahil kailangan ni Maynard . Ewan ko sa puntong ito kung gusto niya na ba ang kambal ko.

I closed my eyes whenever I remember those words. Kambal? Twin? No! Hindi ko kayang tanggapin iyan. But what else should I do when it is the truth?

Should I DNA? Should they lie to me so I can go away from Maynard? Was that a good choice then? Or do they want me gone from Penelope’s life so she will be ha? Spy. Am I a hindrance to her happiness? Kung mahal siya ni Maynard bakit hindi siya ang pinili? Bakit sa akin siya bumalik at umamin. And my father didn’t do anything  to advise Mayna   to go away from me. Instead, they pushed me to Maynard.

Nalaman ba nila na gusto ni Penelope si Mayymard kaya dapat ako na ang magparaya? Lalo na at may anak na sila. Was that a good choice then? Because is it damn to make me suffer like this. I don’t like being like this. If I could have a chance to change my circumstances now. I will. Because I don’t want it. I don’t want this feeling.

Mas lalo akong yumuko? At binuhos lahat ng luha ko. Sapo ko ang aking noo habang nakaupo sa sahig ng unit ko. I am all alone in condo because I request too. Even when my mother is my manager, I still don’t wat to see her in my unit. Doon siya sa bahay ko sa Manila. Total meron naman.

Anyone can still betray you huh? So better not to trust anyone so easily. Even in the future, if I had a chance to have my own family, I will discipline them and tell them how I feel. I will reprimand them about things even if they will resent me. I won't let them suffer or feel this way because for me… it is enough. I love them so I don’t want them to see both in my naked eyes to cry and beg for destiny because, I alone, did it.

How many times do I beg for destiny to be nice and easy to me?

Kaya habang maaga pa. Kung meron man akong pag-asa. Itatama ko sila sa paraang alam ko. Kahit pa sa isip at puso nila… masama ako.

Days, weeks, and months had passed and I am still dwell on my own career. Halos hindi ko gusto kausapin si mama at papa pero kung hindi sa trabaho ay hindi ko gaagwin. Nagtatamapo ako sa kanila. Tinago nila ito lahat. Mama still love my youngest and papa didn’t spend more time with me when I didn’t have any choice but to teach how to ride a horse.

All of those.. I still count how many times they’re with me when I am hurt. How many times did they listen to my  side? Even when they listen they still have to blame me. So I will have the chance to feel for myself.

I closed my eyes as the wind passed from the south wearing my marvelous and outclass floral print dress designs. Paired with a long boots. I am here in our farm in Caledonia. To finally break the barrier we had. Hindi ko matiis si papa dahil naging mabuti siya sa akin. Kaya naman palagi ko siyang nakikita pero ramdam kong hindi niya ako gaanong mahal, palagi niyang iniisip ang aking kambal.

I stopped when I heard noises from afar. I swallowed hard when I saw the kid running to a man, they smiled when the man carried the kid. And it hunts me to conclude that familiar body.