Abundance from Light

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Caledonia

I sighed and went my eyes to the window again. The dog is running freely to his owner.

“Kung gagawin ko yan. Parang sinugal ko rin ang sariling kagustuhan ko. Parang nabuhay lang ako ara pakingan ang mga sasabihin nila. Because no I love here to live my own life. I don’t want to live based on their expectation  for me,“ tugon ko sa kanya. Matapos ay tinignan siyang ngumiti.

To be honest, I never fit myself for the standards of others but I fit myself to the standards of mine. If I think I didn't try my best, there's always a next time. We only live once so we should live the best in a healthy way of ours.

“Still living on expectations, babe?”

Inayos ko ang aking upo habang nakabaling sa kanya. Huminga siya ng malalim at bumaling sa bintanag katabi.

“You know my mom is a model and my dad is a director. Wala akong magagawa kundi mamuhay ng ganito. Ayaw ko sa buhay na ito gusto ko mabuhay ng normal, pero dahil sa mga taong palaging nang uusisa, hindi ko magawa. I wanted to live abroad to study there and work. But my mom is a model… so I didn’t have no choice but to enter the showbiz,” malumanay niyang ani.

I hold her hand on the table, assuring her.

“Babe, you love it now, right?”

Tumango siya nang dahan dahan at binalingan ako.

I managed my own now. telling them that mama is still on leave and I need a replacement but they didn’t find one. Kaya  ay na double kay Kath ang gawain.  Gusto kong ako but they refuse my request and offer because it can affect mine. Sa daming projects na tinatanggap ko. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kung wala Beause the wounds is still fresh. The pain is still evident on my chest.

Hindi ko pa halos kinakusap si Maynard. Surely he gave me space but every time I woke up in my house in Manila, there was breakfast from him.

He never gave up on me. Ang iba dinadala ko sa trabaho ang iba ay hindi. Minsan lang ako sa bahay at minsan lang din ako sa unit ko. Maybe I am trying to distract myself and heal from it. Cause If I will go back to where I am alone, it will flashed the memories on me like it didn’t end.

Days and weeks passed, and no one I can talk with but my glam team and my showbiz workmates.  Every time I shoot abroad I slowly wish that this pain will have vanished.

I don’t want to go to lolo as of now, because I won’t bother him with my feelings and thoughts. I want him to relax and not endure the stress I had.

Weeks passed and I am still here, with Kath and Liza doing a shoot in Barcelona for a brand and after that, I will go back to the Philippines again to have a short film.

Huminga ako nang malalim ng makitang hindi puno ang schedule ko sa sa susunod na linggo. I sighed while having a coffee in the lounge and reading some artcicles.

When we landed in the Davao international airport. Kabang kaba akong sumakay sa van nila Mayanrd. He knows I am here now, but we didn’t met yet. He is continue respecting my decisions.

Maynard:

Hope you are safe.

Binaba ko ang aking cellphone. I smiled sweetly while facing the way through Caledonia.

I miss this man.

I hope I am ready to face it all.

A person can hurt you with another huh? They will ignore you after all the things you’ve done. And here I am facing it again and willing to come home. ‘Cause I will fight for my own. After all, this is my right. This is the money I provided. Kaya wala silang karapatn na ipalayas pa ako.