Abundance from Light

Chapter 31

Chapter 3

Path

Walking in a high street, I can feel the long wind longing for its peace, where you want to feel safe, and secure and now, I am in a dark, void, and empty space in me.

I used to believe in love when I was little, that you will find someone who will understand me. But I met him again and with him for a short vivid time.

I sighed. While the more I shivered when the wind passed by. All people are staring at me. because I am soaking wet. And the wind is my way to let my feelings go away.

Wala namang masamang magtiwala. Ang masama nagtiwala ako sa ibang tao sa halip na sa sarili ko.

Ang galing niyang mag comfort. Nadala niya ako. Ang galing niya sa lahat ng pagpaparamdam kung gaano ako kahalaga. But in the end, I will left alone with no choice but to let him go, for the sake of the people’s surrounds me and for the sake of a whole family.

Yes, I am selfish if I want to be with him. But putting myself in the son of Penelope is eating me softly. I feel how I long for the love of my parents for each other. We’re complete but they stay because of me....even when I can understand them.

BAsang basa akong naglakad patungo sa condo ko. Nang makarating ay agad akong nag shower. Pero bitbit ko parin ang sakit na meron ako. Nandito pa rin hindi ko alam kung paano pahubain ito. Nakakatamad, nakakapagod.

Nakakapagod magmahal kung ang lahat ng tao ay pareho pareho lang sa huli, iiwan ka, sasaktan ka, pero dapat ay marunong kang bumawi.

It is not easy with my decisions but I want to do all the things that I can conquer this one. I can conquer this and little by little improve on my own.

I sighed and went back to work.

Ito lang ang huling araw na mag eemote ako. pagkatapos kailangan kong lumipad na at maging busy.

For the next week, I used to have photoshoots locally. Meron akong mga vacant time but I will always fill my schedule so I can't see him. I don’t miss him.

“Gianna, what is that look?” natatawang ani ni Ben sa akin ng inayos ko ang supot ng kinakain ko.

"How are you then?"

“I am fine and good. I hope you too."

I put the cellophane beside me so I can see him clearly in his reflection. Yon nga lang naniinis pa ito.

Umupo siya sa aking gilid. Tumaas lang ang kilay ko habang naak crossed na ang kanyang mga kamay.

“Make up na,” aniya sa make up artist niya na nataranta din sa utos niya.

I glance at my watch

“Still early,” I said and hold the bottled water so I can sip on it.

Naiilang ako ng pinagmasdan niya ang ginagawa ko.

I raised my brow.

He raised his hand.

“Chill, you are broken-hearted, right?” usisa niya sa akin.

Ngumuwi ako.

“Hmm...halata naman sayo. Wala siya rito at palaging wala ka sa Manila. Halatang may iniiwasan,” puna niya.

UMirap ako at padabog na sumandig sa backrest ko.

“So nosy Ben. Sumbong kita kay tita,” pag-aasik ko sa kanay para matigil siya pero natatawa lang siya nagtaas ng dalawang kamay.