Fake It - OP

Chapter 27

"Good morning," I said.

Oscar must have been up for a while since he was sitting across from me in the room, seated at his desk scrolling through what I think are work emails on his laptop. I watched as his body froze, his fingers unmoving on the keyboard. He didn't spin to look at me and I didn't bother to sit up, there was a lightness in my chest and I no longer felt tired.

I had said what I wanted to last night, no matter if it was amidst a panic attack, through the tiredness and stress of travel, or the horrible way I threw my emotions at Oscar I had said it. Told him that I was falling for him. He had kissed me, even asked before doing so. In our silent way of asking. The memory of the moment replayed in my mind, how his lips crushed mine with the same meaning I dreamed of since I realized my feelings. The possibility of him feeling the same. Although we hadn't talked I knew I had fallen asleep in his arms, I knew that he had held me through the night. And not by some drunken mistake this time.

I made to talk, sucking in my breath to ask what he may want to show me of Melbourne today, on the plane we talked of him wanting to show me around. I half hope he already has things planned, since I have no idea what to do, and usually, I would have everything planned out by now. And god, I needed to message Ange to tell her everything. Maybe a Facetime call so I could see the look on her face when I tell her the story of how I actually admitted my feelings to a man. Something I've never done before. But any words I intended to say died in my throat when Oscar cleared his throat, brushing a hand through his bed-tussled hair.

"Kissing you was a mistake last night Blake," Oscar said and despite the heat of the blankets wrapped around me, my body went ice cold.

I attempted to stifle the emotions running their way up my throat. "Wh- why?" I asked. I moved to sit up, pulling the blankets with me and wrapping them around my chest like a fluffy wall of armour around my heart, hoping to block out what I knew his next words would be. He spun in his chair slowly and our eyes met, there was nothing but cold seriousness there, and I felt the blankets of armour turn to ash.

"I need to focus on my career and actually dating someone would ruin it. I can't throw away my lifelong dream because of you."

I could have sworn I felt my heart crack. "I-I" I started but Oscar cut me off.

"And we can't stop what we are doing either, or I'll look even worse. I told you we could end this anytime, but I can't, Blake. I will lose everything I have worked towards my entire life." He paused and I dropped my eyes from him, unable to look at the coldness there. There was a slight amount of pleading in his voice, letting me know I could still end this, he would pressure me into anything, but also let me know the well-known consequences. "We can be friends," he said a little softer, "but never more."

Never. The word hit me harder than they should. I nodded and got up to go to the bathroom, shaking the pointless sheets and blankets from my body and untwisting my pyjamas from around my frame. Not knowing what else to do. "I'm sorry Oscar, I didn't mean for this to happen," I paused, looking at him. He was cold, utterly cold, frozen in place with body and emotion. "I didn't mean to fall for you. I'm sorry."

And as if stabbing me weren't enough, he twisted the knife. "I don't feel the same," his voice was void of all emotion. "I don't know why I kissed you."

There was a loud sound of pounding in my ears as my heart imploded and shattered inside my chest. I barely managed a nod before shutting the bathroom door and turning on the shower. Soon my tears blended with the warm droplets of water from the showerhead, blending the pain away and down the drain until all that was left of me was a shell and a blank pit where my heart used to be. So large I'm sure no time could make it whole once more.

After what felt like an eternity I stepped out of the bathroom and Oscar was gone. Like some kind of mercy since I knew my eyes were puffy and I accidentally left my makeup bag in my suitcase this morning. But mostly I was glad to not see him since I knew the reminder of last night was too much to shove in my face so soon. Not when I know he never felt the same and probably only kissed me because he felt sorry for me. A pity kiss, that's all it was, I couldn't stand the reminder. He was most likely downstairs with his parents, despite not wanting to see him. God that was the very last thing I wanted, but I got dressed and did my makeup before I made my way out of his childhood bedroom.

I wouldn't walk away from this fake dating game we are playing, no matter my heart. I couldn't, wouldn't ruin Oscar's life because he broke my heart. No matter how much sitting on a beach in Hawaii with Ange felt like a dream right now. The idea of being trapped was terrifying.

I descended the stairs and indeed saw Oscar sitting at the dining room table with his parents, I willed my face to be a mask of happiness and contentment.

"Morning!" I greeted, sounding as cheery as possible, although my heart didn't feel it.

"Good morning sweetie," Oscar's mom greeted. "You look ready for the day, you two have some big plans?" she motioned between Oscar and I.

I spoke quickly before Oscar got the chance. "Actually I figured I would leave you all to yourselves today to do some much-needed catching up." I paused daring a look at Oscar, his pace was void of any emotion but the fake one he laced over his features. Identical to mine. "Oscar's been talking for a while about how he would like to just spend some time with the two of you, so I'm going to head out for a bit and search out where the best bookstores in Melbourne are, as well as maybe a few simple tourist attractions along the way." I willed a smile to my face. "I've never been to Melbourne so I'm happy to explore on my own today," I said the last bit directly to Oscar. Cancelling any hopes for his plans of showing me around the city. I could do that myself.

"Oh honey, that is so kind of you, indeed we haven't truly seen Oscar in months." Oscar's mom reached out and hugged me, not letting go of her mug filled with what smelled like peppermint tea. I felt guilt like last night, for the way everything this wonderful woman had to believe of myself and Oscar is fake. "Let me give you a list of the best bookstores around here that I tend to frequent, there is one that's also a café, you may like it." I smiled, this time genuinely as Oscar's mom wrote down a few different names and addresses on a piece of spare paper. Finding a café and bookstore combo is always a dream.

Especially when you're looking for a dark corner to drink tea and hide in, indulging in some healthy escapism to dodge your problems.

Oscar's mom handed me the folded note and I waved politely in farewell at the two men sitting at the dining room table. Oscar didn't even acknowledge my existence. Ignoring the pulling feeling which threatened to lower my mask of pleasantry, I made my way towards the front door and out into the warm Australian air, taking in the fresh and hot breeze and willing it to push away the forming well in my eyes. I opened the note and typed in the address of the first bookstore, the one which was also a café. The walking distance showed it would only take me twenty minutes, so rather than calling a cab I followed my phone down the street and away from the house where my heart was still scattered into pieces along one of the upstairs bedroom floors.