Before we get started, just curious, what number book is this that you all have read from me? And if it's the first, how did you find it ?
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"home sweet home I guess..." I mumbled to myself, looking around at my run-down—dingy, definitely uncleaned, and almost certainly infested to some degree, apartment.
I know people would probably say, well if it's that bad, why did you move in—in the first place?
Well it was all I could afford, unfortunately...all that life had decided to gift me.
Four years of college, four years of stressing myself to near suicide, and drowning myself in debt, all...for this.
The worst part about it... was the fact I had gotten the degree, I'd succeeded in my goals and worked my ass off in the process... I just couldn't do anything with it.
My family, more specifically my father had disowned me—completely shut me out both financially and emotionally the day I graduated...the day I came out to him.
My mother, who I've never seen go against my father a day in her life expectedly followed his lead—and along with the rest of my family, had completely ghosted me for months.
That hurt, I mean of course being rejected by your own blood hurts—but to be shunned and abandoned to this degree wasn't just hurtful, it was nefarious.
Even when you're growing up, and you're aware of just how much your family is both strict and religious, there's always that thought in the back of your mind that they'll accept you no matter what, that they'll love you no matter what.
Well, heads up to everyone thinking like that—life isn't a fairytale, and we live in an imperfect world. They aren't going to accept you, and they aren't going to love you....your best bet is to wait until you can afford to live alone, 'cause that's what you're going to be...alone.
Being gay is living a life cursed with solitude, hookup culture, and some hopeless romantic thoughts that will leave you feeling nothing but empty and cold.
There is no Prince Charming, there is no Mr.Right, there's no one...at least not for me.
Like right now, I sit alone in my shitty apartment in the shittiest city in this fucking country, because with a thousand bucks to my name, and no way to utilize this degree I'd worked my ass off for—this was all I had.
With a sigh, I grabbed the cleaning products that I'd bought and began to clean up this cesspool as best I could.
And that took me hours, hours of sweat, hours of tears, hours of regrets—and even the contemplation of just giving up entirely.
