P.S Always and Forever

Chapter 8

Are my imaginations now delving into my reality? Is what I'm currently viewing real?

Nakakahinga pa ba ako nang maayos?

Hindi!

Tama ba ang iniisip ko? Or do I assume too much?

Is he the one who gave me the notebook before?

I'm thinking that it's a possibility because he was there whenever I went to the park before! He was there during those childhood days! Sino pa ba kasing ang pwede lumapit?

But at the same time, it's kind of impossible. Hindi naman kami magkakilala, bakit niya ako bibigyan ng notebook?! Plus, paano niya nalaman na gusto ko ng bagong notebook? Na kailangan ko ng bagong notebook?

If I mean nothing to him, he should never give me one just because his friend accidentally caused a tear on the cover of my notebook.

I gasped loudly.

Do I mean something to him?

I slapped myself repeatedly to wake me up from my delusional daydreams. Impossible!

"Stop it, Bella! 'Wag masyadong assuming! Nakakasakit 'yon!" I try to lecture myself repeatedly.

Kahit walang rason mag isip nang ganito, hindi ko pa rin mapigilan. Maybe because having a crush on him makes me want to assume things.

I got up from the bed and went to my cabinet. I got the notebook and read the note on the back cover. I gasped again because the impossibility became a possibility.

"Oh, my gosh. BRL? Is this his freaking initials?!" I almost shouted inside my room. Well, I'm kind of hoping no one could hear me over my midlife crisis happening now.

My eyes were widened as I paced around my room hoping it could calm my stormy system. Pinaypay ko ang hawak kong notebook sa sarili ko habang naglalakad lakad. Lumabas na nga ako sa terrace para mahanginan ang sarili ko.

Hinilamos ko ang mukha ko, umaasang kumalma ang sarili. Ano, Bella? Lagi ka na lang bang ganito pagdating sa kanya?! Tatagan mo!

"No, imposibleng siya...Bakit niya ako bibigyan nang ganito? Ang random naman..." I whispered to myself. Tulala ako sa garden ng mansion namin na nakikita ko galing sa itaas.

"What if iba pala ang gusto niya? Gosh, assuming things hurt!" I said to myself as I slapped myself again. Trying to wake myself up from this possible dream.

Hindi naman ako ang tipo niyang papatulan! We're so different! He likes being in the crowd because he's a basketball player, while I don't even know how to socialize with other people unless it's Crim and Misha!

Crush ko siya but this crush won't get me anywhere! I am sure of it!

I sighed. I will probably make him my motivation na lang. Halos lahat ng crush ko ay fictional, siya lang ang natatanging hindi ko makalimutan dahilan para siya rin ang natatangi kong nagustuhan sa buhay na ito.

Watching your crush from afar can be enough for me. Making him my motivation and inspiration can be enough for me.

I sound so freaking hopeless! Bakit ka ganyan, Bella?! At anong crush?! College ka na!

"Oh, please wake me up from this. Bangungot 'to para sa akin kung ganito ang akto ko." I said to myself.

"Baliw ka na, Bella. Baliw." I said again to myself. Tuluyan na ata nawala sa sarili.

I sat on my bed again while trying to decide on what to write in this notebook. Gusto ko talaga siyang gamitin pero hindi ko alam kung para saan.

I sighed before getting my iPad again. Naiwan doon ang profile ni Ryder dahil nagkaroon ako ng internal crisis.