All Over Her

Chapter 18: The Debrief

Girls night ended up being less of a sleepover and more of a drink and rant session. I had no clue how late it was right now as all we've been doing was talking and passing around a very large bottle of liquor. I hope Hermione knows some sort of spell or something for a hangover because I'm gonna be out of it tomorrow.
    "Oi Weasley, your brother is on something." I said, my words slurring a little.
    Ginny giggled, "Duh Cas but which one."
    "Fred" I looked at Mione who was taking a swig from the bottle, "And Ron." I said pointing at Mione.
    Ginny paused, "Woahh two different issues. You first Cas."
    Ziggy was upside down on my bed next to me, "Yah what happened, you guys wouldn't look at each other at dinner and George said Fred was being weird."
    "After he kissed me-"
    Mione cut me off, "Fred kissed you??"
    Ziggy came in, "Yah, during spin the bottle after you left."
    "Guys shut up, what happened." Ginny spat out.
    "After he kissed me, Riddle spinned the bottle and I kissed him, and I felt weird so I asked Fred to come with me upstairs and he tried to kiss me again."
    Ziggy and Mione bursted out laughing.
    "Shittt he's so dumb!" Ginny said, taking a drink.
    "I feel bad though, he's my best friend."
    Ziggy squished my cheeks, "I thought I was your best friend."
    I nudged her head, "That's different you're my sister."
    "Yuh Huh." She said, sitting up to take a drink.
    "And what happened with Ron Hermione?" Ginny asked.
    We all stared at her.
    Her voice was nervous, but still steady, "I had a feeling that I had a crush on Ron and when I saw him kiss Lavender I just felt horrible."
    We all squealed.
    I said, "Awe Mione, he totally likes you too, I wouldn't worry about Lavender."
    "I wouldn't worry period. It's Ron." Ginny said.
    "And besides, how could anyone not love you." Ziggy said, singing the last words slightly.
    She shot up, "Wait, are we just gonna skip past Jamie's kiss with Mattheo?"
    Ginny and Mione sat up straight as Ziggy passed me the bottle.
    I took a shot, and swallowed harshly, "Well.. uh.. I did in fact kiss him.. But he's rude."
    "And hot," Ziggy said.
    "But he's mean to me." I said back.
    "And he's hot when he does it."
    "I truly hate him."
    "Because he's hot?"
    I threw the pillow I was sitting on at Ziggy, as Mione and Ginny joined in. We all dog piled on top of her.
    Ziggy yelled out, "I yield! Get off me!"
    We all laughed, getting off her and plopping back down on the floor.
    "But Cas, your disdain for him doesn't answer whether or not you liked it." Hermione said.
    "Very true, was he as dreamy of a kisser as Daphne Greengrass loves to spew about." Ginny said, tossing her hair back and making a fake kissy face to Ziggy, who joined in on the bit.
    "He wasn't bad." I said, taking another drink.
    Ziggy laughed, "Wasn't bad? Wow I'm surprised you didn't throw up right now, since you always talk about how horrid he is."
    I laid on my back, "Ugh I think we need to call it a night, I'm gonna pass out."
    The other girls agreed. Hermione and Ginny were gonna squeeze into Ziggy's bed as Ziggy and I squeezed into mine. The moment Ginny's head hit the pillow she was knocked out, snoring softly. Hermione blew out all of the candles we had lit. We settled into bed, taking a moment to let our bodies process the alcohol.
    After what felt like hours, I was awake, restless. I couldn't sleep.
    "Psst, Ziggy, are you awake." I whispered to my sister, who was a very light sleeper.
    "Not anymore." She answered slightly annoyed.
    "I liked kissing him."
    She turned to me, "Who?"
    "Mattheo."
    "Really?"
    "I think so."
    "You think or you do?"
    "I don't know.. For sure.."
    "I told you to be careful Jamie." Her voice trailed off.
    "I know but.. It was just so weird. I never felt so nervous to be near someone."
    There was silence. I looked at Ziggy, who knocked out a bit of drool coming from her mouth. I stared at the canopy of my bed. I tried to think about everything. About him. Why do I hate him? Why am I so resistant? I remember, my first year, I was in class and he pulled my hair, said something about my curls. I think that was it. The first time I was angry at him. He made comments, passive aggressive remarks. At first they would hurt my confidence, but then I'd switch it back on him. It wasn't until my third year where I finally developed the ability to talk to him the way he did me. And he smiled. The more rumors I heard about him, I used it against him. Eventually what seemed like simple childish, mean banter, became attacks. I think back to what I said, about his family. No one knows much about his home life.
    If I was misjudging him, his behavior is still no excuse. He had no right to bully me all these years. No right to mistreat me. But when we kissed. The way he was looking at me, holding me. That wasn't him. It was like a different person. If I had met that boy all those years ago, that first class, maybe I wouldn't be so resentful. I try to never hold hate in my heart, but the way he acts. The people he associated himself with. It gets so hard to separate the person from the persona. And why me? Why treat me so harshly? We were just kids, how could I have deserved such hostility? I hope I find out one day, because some part of me longs to know.