All Over Her

Chapter 46: Spend the Night

I'm completely aware of how differently I'm acting now than the last time. And with the simplest explanation I guess I was just tired of being dishonest with myself. I've been really feeling something for Mattheo, what that something is, I can't fully pinpoint it. I just wanna be around him all the time.

He finally walked out of the bathroom, grabbing his boxers off the floor and putting them on. As courtesy, I looked away because we weren't really in that state where it's appropriate for me to be looking at him that way.

I hear a laugh, "You act like you didn't just see me butt ass naked."
He bends down to his trunk, rummaging through.

"Well in my defense I was just being polite."

He pulls out a dark blue shirt, "We're past mere politeness."

He hands me the shirt, turning away to grab my underwear, handing them to me as well.

He turned his back towards me, "Politeness."

I smile to myself, slipping my underwear back on and his shirt over my cold skin.

"Done." I said.

He turned back around, motioning for me to scoot over in the bed. I do as he signals, making enough space to where he could slide in comfortably. He wraps his arm around me, I scoot back towards him, my head now laying on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat, it was fast. Same pace as mine, I felt like we were feeling and thinking the exact same thing. That all we wanted was to be in this moment, as ourselves.

"You're really quiet, not gonna run out on me again are you?"

"I don't run out on you!" I say defensively.

"Well you definitely don't walk briskly away from me."

We do have a habit of just trying to run away from each other. Leaving conversations up in the air.

"I actually wanted to tell you something. It was the whole reason I came."

"Mhm?" He sounded shy.

"I know I already apologized. But that wasn't all I needed to say..." I was nervous. By telling him it'd make everything real. And what if he changed his mind. What if he didn't want me anymore? What would I do then? I can't just wallow out of here in his shirt, out of his room.

"You don't have to say anything." He whispered to me, sounding preparingly disappointed.

I met his eyes, the once blackened color now back to his soft deep brown. He touched me kindly, soothingly brushing my hair, trying carefully not to pull at it on accident or cause me any discomfort. His other hand touched my cheek, using this thumb to rub me lightly. He didn't say a word. All he did was look at me, longingly. He gazed into my eyes as if I wasn't really there. Almost like he was holding on to a figment of his imagination. As if the moment I left that'd be it. I'd be gone and i'd only ever exist in his mind.

To him, if I spoke it'd make things all too real too. In his case, he was scared that I'd say I didn't want him. He didn't want to let me go and I could tell. The way his eyes flickered by the slightest movement at the corner of my mouth. He's gotten to the point that if I said it was over, that really was it. It was concrete, whatever we had would cease to exist. And he would let me go. If I just said the word he'd let me go. Because he just couldn't keep waiting.

I could let him linger in this limbo. Let him sit in the anticipation, his heart racing faster and faster every time I so much as yawn. But that would be too cruel, and I am not that.

"I want you Mattheo." I caressed his face, matching the motions he did with mine.

"What?" He paused.

"I want to be with you." I held my breath.

I felt his chest rise slowly, and fall just the same.

He hugged me tightly, "I want to be with you too."

And at that, we dozed off to sleep.