All Over Her

Chapter 75: mattheo's pov

Walking into Gryffindor tower gives me a different type of nausea. I've noticed for a myriad of different reasons but nausea nonetheless. I walk up the stairs to her dorm, clenching her note in my hand tightly. I hate coming here. Not because I don't want to but because we're alone. Now I don't mind having her alone but just not all the time. I don't know how to describe it. When the sun is out you know the moon and stars are together but everyone ignores it when there's something shinier to look at. The problem is that our sun is anything else. To me though, there's no other star but her. If I had my way there'd only be the sun. She is my sun.
I sound so dumb sometimes but I never know how to describe how I feel about her. It's killing me that I can't shout out how proud I am to know her. And know her in every way one can be known. I want everyone to know that she knows me. That the charade I put out can only be broken by her. That if there was anyone that could ever make me care about anything in this life it's her. She could tell me that we'll run away and live in sewage under pure rain, I'll do it in a heartbeat. I'd leave every bit of turmoil and struggle and annoyance in this life if it means I'll have all of that with her by my side.
I feel so pathetic feeling this way. She sends me a note telling me that we need to talk and here I'm hoping she'll say she wants me. I don't see her just as a conquest or whatever everyone thinks of me. I want to do anything for her, with every fiber of my being. I'd breathe her air, if she leaves I'd simply suffocate because I've never felt so different. I don't want her to feel like I'm dependent on her, she has so many responsibilities I could never be her burden. But I care for her in such a way that every annoyance she'll ever experience, I'd take it away and engulf it into myself if she'll just smile a little brighter.
I finally knocked on the door. The moment she opened it I felt like I do everytime I see her. Like suddenly there's light. She seemed like she was anxious and worried. Her eye bags a little deeper than usual. She's so beautiful it kills me and it stings even more knowing she wasn't okay.
"I didn't think you'd call me over so soon angel." I try to be playful and lay down on her bed, acting relaxed.
"I wanted to talk to you Mattheo."
She bit her lip, fidgeting with her fingers. My heart sank but I tried my best to compose myself.
She continued, "I had been thinking about us. About everything that has ever happened. Everything that's been happening and..."
She made eye contact with me and looked even more nervous. Had I given her the wrong message?
"You can say whatever you want to me. I'd do anything for you...you know that."
She inhaled deeply, "Mattheo I've been thinking about what I want. We're not perfect." She stopped abruptly.
A little hurt I said, "Is that all?"
"No.. no it's not. We're not perfect and I-"
I couldn't stop myself from cutting her off, "Cas... Jamie.."
Her eyes softened.
I touch her cheek, placing my other hand on her waist, missing how it felt resting on her.
"We're not perfect at all. I know that. We both do. Being together means so much work and I know that's not ideal. But all I could ever tell you, if this is the last time you'll have me. I love you entirely. With everything I am I love you. With every beat I'll produce and with every tear I could ever cry when I'm away from you. I love you with every image I imagine every time my eyes shut. I love who you are, who you will be, everything you have been. Nothing will ever be perfect but you come damn near close and to think I'd ever let you get away would be the stupidest thing I'd ever do. Even if you don't have me I couldn't say another word to you without saying I love you. Those words were so out of mind until I met you and suddenly I could teach it to anyone who asked. To me I love you means the time we've spent together the person I've been so lucky to know. If I never love anything again at least I can be at peace knowing the only person who I can love is you. I'd follow you into the deepest depths of death if it meant we'd spend more time together because I can't fucking take not loving you outwardly. I can't keep hiding how I feel about you because this world deserves to know that you're like unlike anyone else on this earth. I love you Cassandra Jamie Black."
She blinked, her eyes watering. A gentle tear streamed down. I wiped it away, being caught off guard as she smashed a kiss onto my lips. She held my face with such care, I gave her the same touch around her waist.
She let go momentarily, " Mattheo Riddle. I have no other words other than I love you. I want to be with you and work with you. I truly fucking love you."
I kissed her deeply again. Kissing her felt so different now. Because finally after all this time I can love her. I can be all over her.

 
                                        THE END