All Over Her

Chapter 71: study

It had occurred to me that I had not been spending as much time on my classes as I probably should. I woke up early to end up in the library. But I coincidentally woke up before the sun came up, which the library isn't necessarily open yet but I have an in with Filtch and his wretched cat Mrs. Norris. I was still in my pajamas and debated changing. I wasn't sure if I'd be back in my dorm before people started showing up. To take the easier way out I just threw my robes over my clothes. It was long enough where my pjs were covered but I had to button the front so that nothing would peek through. My hair was a bit of a mess so I threw it into a ponytail after I combed it out. Ziggy was still asleep even though I turned my lamp on, she's a pretty deep sleeper so I wasn't surprised.
Walking through the castle at night is very peaceful. There's not a soul around, well except the ghosts but they're good at minding their own. Getting to the library was a lot faster than I initially thought but maybe it was because of the lack of people traffic. It wasn't pitch black when I got there because the moonlight was shining through the windows. It made the shelves look a lot taller than they actually were. I walked through the aisles of books trying to remember which class I wanted to focus on. I scanned until I got to the section that seemed to be centered around potions. I've been depending on that one text book all year, I probably should try to learn something for myself.
Oddly enough the book I wanted to grab was on the higher shelves. I was in slippers and I was too nervous to grab a ladder, just in case I made too much noise. I bet I could reach it if I climbed on a shelf a little bit. I put my foot on one of the lower shelves, grabbing on one above me and trying to push up. I underestimated my upper body strength because pushing myself up was a little harder than I had expected. I was huffing and mumbling to myself because it should not be that hard to get a simple book. Before I tried again, a hand appeared next to me. It reached out beside me, grabbing the book that I had been reaching for.
"Careful, you'll hurt yourself." A very familiar voice said quietly.
I turned to lock eyes with him. It was Mattheo, dressed in his pajamas as well, but also in his robe. I only noticed he was in his pajamas because he didn't button his robe like I had. He handed me the book.
"Thank you." I took it from his hand, feeling my fingers graze his skin as electricity pulsated once we touched.
"What are you doing here so early angel, I didn't take you much for a morning person."
"Well it's hardly morning, the sun's not even up."
"Doesn't change the fact that it's still morning." He smiled.
My heart would stop when he smiled. But that exact smile he just did. You know a genuine smile, not because he's teasing me or feeling cocky. He's smiling just because it felt right to smile. So I smiled right back.
He grabbed my hand that was holding the book and turned it over to read the cover.
"Potions? I thought you had gotten that down by now. Unless something in the class had been distracting you?"
He looked at me intently.
"I wouldn't call it a distraction."
His eyes flickered and deepened.
"May I study with you?"
"I didn't think you studied truthfully."
"Hurtful, but I don't."
"Why change it then."
"I have a reason to focus."
I could hear my heartbeat as if it were right next to my ears. And in a way I could also hear his. I could tell it was beating the exact same way as mine. The air felt even and the moon shifted across the windows. They seemed to stop exactly where he was. In front of me, in the moonlight, illuminated and patient. He looked so unreal. As if this past school year has been a long delusion. It was like I was dreaming, about to wake up and he's the last thing to fade. I gently place my hand on his face, just to make sure he's real. He touches my hand, his touch is cold but feels comforting against my skin. He turns his head slightly to kiss my hand. He grabs it, putting it on his shoulder and moving his hand to my waist. His other hand falls onto my other side, as if it was magnetized to be there.
He leaned in closer, "Put the book down."
I nodded, leaning it on the shelf behind him and resting my other hand on his shoulder. My hands clasped around his neck. He held me tighter and just looked at me. His eyes went to my hair, looking at how it fell. He looked at my lips, he stared for a good second as if he was thinking about them. Maybe the colour, the shape, maybe he just wanted to kiss me. I was hoping he'd kiss me. He looked into my eyes now. They were clear and unmoving, fully attentive. I felt like I should say something to him, but I didn't want to stop looking at him.
"I want to kiss you really bad right now." His voice sliced through the silence.
"You know you can." I told him.
"I wouldn't stop." He said very bluntly.
My heart jumped and I felt like I should make a move. I leaned in slowly, placing my lips gently onto his. I felt his hands hold my waist tighter, making me kiss into him even more. He turned us around so that I'm in the moonlight now. He broke away from the kiss. I didn't want to show my disappointment so I simply tried to keep my face neutral.
"I need to take you out somewhere proper. It'd be a shame not to take a girl like you out."
"What kinda girl is that?" I asked teasingly.
"A girl unlike any other I've ever met."
My demeanor softened. His hand glided from my waist to my chest, causing goosebumps to come up. He touched the necklace around my neck. The one he gave me.
"So you got my message."
"Yeah, after Ziggy pointed out she caught you sneaking."
"Great timing she has." He exhaled as he traced along the shape of the necklace.
"You know this means a lot to me."
"How come?"
"Because it means you know me."
"What do you mean?"
"It means you want to know me, or you already do, or just really hope you're able to get to know me."
"It's impossible for someone to want to know anyone but you..."
I didn't know what to say. I felt a fluttering inside of me.
"I want to know all about you. Know who you are, who you were, who you want to be... I want to know your fears, what you love, what you hate... Anything you are and want to be, I want to know it. Inside and out I need to know it. I need to know you because you enthrall my thoughts. You're there even when I didn't want you to be. I can't do anything without you in the back of my mind. But I want you to be at the forefront. Completely, and unabashedly, I desire all of you."
I'd be lying if I said that didn't scare me. At the same time, I've never wanted to indulge in anyone anymore than I want to with him. I want to tell him every deepest part of my soul. And I want to explore every area of his. To mutually feel fear and potential, or just really adrenaline, I can only feel it with him.
"I want you Mattheo, I want to be with you. I want to be by your side every second. I want to be around you all the time. I don't want to hide us, it was out of fear and it was dumb. I keep holding myself back and that's not right. I want you. Us..."
A smile cracked on his face, bigger than I've ever seen it. And he kissed me.