Observation - Cillian Murphy

Let It Go

Morning rays of the yellow sunrise sharply stabbed through the curtains like a knife on board. Slowly opening my eyes, I gaped back at the watch, hardly smashing the alarm at 6 AM sharp.

I lay on my back, playing with a tiny strand of my dark hair. It was one of the rare mornings when my insomnia disappeared to help me function. Sitting up straight to stretch my muscles, I noticed a tiny picture on the wall piercing through my soul.

~

"JUST LET IT ALL GO."

~

I blinked twice, swiftly realising I was not dreaming.

The front text of the message wrote in black, with a leafy forest as a background and a milky-colored aura between them.

'Must be something I put up when I was drunk', I thought to myself and opened up the heavy sheets of my bed away from myself.

Pushing my short hair back in a ponytail, I looked down at my messy script, which I'd annotated yesterday night.

The silence inside my suite was louder than noise and anything I had ever experienced, with a light smell of something sweet accompanying it.

A tiny bottle of tomato juice stood at the front table of the room, and an unopened pack of biscuits, which I knew were my only source of new calories for the upcoming day.

I found it refreshing to stare at every building on the street of Amsterdam on my way to the set. The people in my life made it easier to dissociate and observe new things I had scarcely paid attention to when I was heartily analysing things. 'Just let it all go' occasionally rang in my head.

I also haven't smoked for a while, and the thought of that occupied my brain when getting my hair and makeup done. It was good that I wasn't addicted, but it was painful to leave it, as smoking had grown into something bigger than just a 'bad habit' of mine- it was my personality, a twin flame and soulmate all in one.

To shoot the scene in the yoga class, Jodie Comer (my cast member) and I had to wear matching ballet wrap sweaters and light leggings. Minimal makeup felt refreshing with a slicked-back effortless ponytail as I walked next to Jodie to the Yoga Center we were shooting at.

The room looked rustic when judging by the floor and the windows that welcomed a lot of light inside. White mats filled the room, a tiny round cushion falling atop them.

As I walked further, the sight of cameras and crew revealed fully. They stood in the corner with no plants, mirrored by the reflections on the wall.

A quick change in costumes in front of me became prominent as our 'yoga instructor' walked back and forth on her mat, reciting the lines. You could tell she was nervous, just like the other background characters near her.

I knew acting was mine when I felt perfectly in charge on stage. I was beautiful and present, living a different life from my reality.

Acting calmed me down and brought the emotions I've barely felt due to my thoughts and brain.

Jodie and I sat on the mats in the middle after the new instructions. We had our legs crossed, our hands placed on the knees.

The Camera assistant brought a Clapper board to one of the cameras and started the scene.

I looked at Jodie, slightly smirking as we listened to our yoga teacher.

"Okay, ladies. We need to feel the restorative power of yoga. Let's put our hands in the sky, inhale, and exhale, lowering your hands to your chest."

We followed her instructions, trying to whisper. The scene was shot in the middle of a discussion between my character and her friend. Occasionally, they met up at these classes to feel 'normal.'

"I still can't get over it... I mean, what is seriously wrong with men?" Jodie expressed with her usual accent, repeating the exercise.

"Right? I know it will be a fun story to share, but now it's getting annoying." I responded.

Everyone in the room sat in silence. "I'm kind of sick of obsessing over dating." I added, my eyes closed.

"Alright! Cut!" The director yelled out, making Jodie and I change our positions.

Our next scene was easy, as all we had to do was sit on our knees with our eyes closed, listening to the yoga instructor.

"Remember, yoga gives you inner strength and patience. Let everything that no longer serves you leave your body. Now open your eyes and bring your hands into prayer. Namaste."

I looked at Jodie, who had been gazing at me already. We both looked exhausted while grinning at each other in triumph.