Observation - Cillian Murphy

The Apartment

"Rochelle! I know it's hard for you to work because you never take it seriously," Angela spoke over the phone.

"I do take it seriously. I just need time." I explained, standing in the dark bathroom of the fashion show.

Angela chuckled. "I gave you months to get prepared, exactly two months, Rochelle! And you're telling me you need more?"

Exhaling, I put my phone on the counter. "A little bit, yes."

"Oh, please!" Angela scoffed. "The Volume releases today. I will send someone to check up on you, alright?"

I stayed silent.

"Rochelle, you need to do this. Please."

I breathed. "Sure... I'll try," I reassured, ending the call.

Something about work brought me disgust- the feelings, the thoughts, the associations. I felt trapped when Angela called me out of nowhere, making me agree to participate in something horrendous.

Opening the bathroom door, I felt my body immerse into the medieval atmosphere of the catwalk. I was a new person, almost reincarnated into something unique.

I admired every thread on the dresses and every tiny crease on the fabric. To me, the collection represented the beauty and purity of being yourself.

A creme gown with falling folded garments, which exposed the collarbone area, and a large rose corset wrapped around the waist was the look I craved to own. The model had a simple fan, which she waved as she walked, and a rose choker with a golden pendant. Her hair was tied into a bun, sweetening the look while keeping it simple and elegant.

She walked slowly, trying to capture the attention of the guests. The expression on the model's face was neutral and blissful, as if she would fall asleep at any moment. A piece of faint fabric twisted and dragged behind her graceful rose-high heels.

As the model passed, Kate leaned nearer to me, so near I could smell her perfume.

"There will be an After Party after this. Are you down?" She whispered, smiling.

"Look, I can't, Kate. My agent called me and told me that I should do this thing."

Kate raised her eyebrow. "What thing?"

I breathed. "The cover thing."

Kate's eyes widened as she recalled. "Oh!" She expressed, stretching the 'O' sound.

***

The sleepless nights caught up with me as I walked to the door, feeling less patient after each doorbell.

Opening the door, I saw a tiny glimpse of him standing in front of me.

I sighed. "Did Angela send you here?" I asked, running through my short hair with my thin fingers.

Cillian nodded, walking into the apartment past me.

"Why? Are you irritated?" Cillian noticed.

"I'm not ... I've just," I paused, looking at the floor. "I haven't slept in a while."

"What do you mea-"

I interrupted Cillian instantly. "I mean exactly what I've said."

Silence.

"You have no idea how hard it is."

Cillian raised his eyebrow. "Oh, I don't know?"

"Yes. Exactly." I crossed my hands.

Silence.

"You know, Rochelle, you think you know best all the time. Well, you don't!"

"How exactly, Mister Cillian?"

Cillian exhaled, looking straight into my eyes. "You make every decision in your life based on how selfish you feel that day." He looked around, "What do you even want from me?"

I looked into his eyes. "What do I want from you?"

Silence.

"Nothing, I don't want anything from you." I scoffed. "If you don't like how I act," I motioned my hand to the door. "The exit is here."

Silence.

I looked into his eyes. "Isn't there someone else you could torture? "

"Probably, but I choose you."

Cillian stood up, throwing a pile of magazines on my table and flashing an annoyed expression. Slowly, he disappeared from my apartment, leaving me all alone.

"Fuck!" I yelled out loud.

***

I felt like a fool. I've gone so far with suppressing my feelings that I didn't realize how much anger I've hidden within.

Replaying the recent memory of embarrassment, I reached for the thin cigarette sitting in an empty pack in my hands. It was my last one.

I chuckled, bringing the paper tube to my lips and lighting it up. I observed the happy faces of the people who stepped from one side to another as the music resounded from the enormous speakers, creating a slight vibration of the beat.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts I didn't see Kate rushing to hug me.

"Key, Kate!" I said, smiling.

"Hey, what a surprise!"

"I think I panicked, Kate."

She leaned on the nearest bar chair, "What?"

I sighed, beginning to drift off into the conversation.