Secret Desires

Welcome to the Club

"Doyun! You keep messing up! You're holding everyone back!" The director snapped.

"I'm sorry sir. I'll get it right this time" I muttered.

"That's what you said the other times. We're moving on. Take a break and get yourself together." He sighed "Everyone switch to the next scene"

I walked off set with my head low "careful, if you aren't at the top of your game, someone will knock you off your pedestal" Damian glanced at me as I left.

I ignored his comment. It was true, someone is always waiting to steal my spotlight. And I'm sure that person was him.

I'm usually on my top performance. I rarely make mistakes. But today... I can't seem to focus.

"Doyun are you feeling alright?" Jalen handed me water. I stared at my manager with a blank expression. He was close in age with me, so we grew a relationship that was past manager and client.

"I'm not sure" I took the water. I sipped the drink as we walked along to my dressing room.

"Goodness, did your roommate keep you up all night?" Jalen huffed "that kid, he has so much energy. You need to set boundaries if he's going to keep you up late"

"It's not that... it's um something else." My face grew red. I could only think about last night. I nearly got caught. It's embarrassing to think about.

I'm a disgusting pervert!

I was frustrated with myself.

"I feel pent up with frustration... I don't know how to explain it" I didn't want to give away too much information.

"Doyun, as your friend I think you should take a day off. You've been working hard lately since the show is coming to an end. It would be good for you to figure things out, hang out with friends, you know enjoy your youth. Go to parties, meet someone, get laid. All that could help" Jalen smiled.

Get laid?!

"Of course, I don't mean to make the headlines because of something you did but try new things. You always work. Maybe spend time with Atlas. I can tell he misses your company, he comes here so often"

"That's the thing... I think he's becoming a distraction..." I muttered "Forget I said that"

"You know. I know you like him" Jalen stared at me.

"What? I don't like him! He's just a friend!" I stated.

"Right." Jalen sighed "It's okay to like your friend. Maybe it can become something more—."

"It's not okay!" I snapped "I shouldn't be feeling this way towards him! I-I can't like him!" I was frustrated with my feelings. I couldn't even look at Atlas this morning, because of what I did the night before. "I don't want these feelings" I muttered "I feel weird when I see him. I think and dream of things I shouldn't— about him. I'm such a perv"

Jalen raised a brow "I see. You want to release your feelings for him, huh?"

"I do" I nodded.

"Then go on a blind date. Hook up with someone. Just meet other people. Find someone who you can like" Jalen smiled "This is sorta weird to share but, if you have a hard time finding somewhere to go... go to Lavish Club" he began to speak in a low voice.

"There, you can meet someone. It's mostly a gay club. It not only has a bar but a VIP section" he grew embarrassed "I'm a member of the VIP club, it's um fun. If you wanna go some time, let me know. You need to be invited by a member to become a member of the VIP club. Although I'm not sure if that's something you'd be able to handle just yet, so I suggest you go to the bar and try your luck there" Jalen pulled a card from his wallet and handed it to me.