The One Who Controls | Tom Kaulitz

Careless

He sat up in bed, scratching at his hair when I walked in. His face read worry but also anger. I didn't say anything just looked into his brown eyes as he stared back.

"That was really stupid of you last night." He said getting up from the bed.

"I know, I'm sorry." No I wasn't, fuck that. He has no idea how I felt right now, he almost fucking died and he didn't say two words about it. It's like everyone forgot what happened at that house, it was horrible. Everything still stained red with bad memories.

"Just don't pull that shit again." He said low as he walked past me, into the bathroom. Tom wasn't making me feel any better right now.

I go out to the living room, putting on the tv as I lit myself a cig, blowing the smoke out of my nose. The sun just started shining through as the girls came sitting down. I knew they were gonna want to talk about last night, shit.

Marie took a breath and looked at me with those eyes. "What the fuck happened?" She grabbed my hand, it was warm to the touch. Taylor sat on the other side, waiting for me to answer.

"I drank too much, got into an argument. It wasn't a big deal, okay?" Taylor sighed and turned her head at me.

"That's not much of answer babe, you looked fucking dead." Marie laughed a little at her reply.

"It was bad, I know that but I'm fine now. Don't worry about it." I needed them off my back, they could definitely see I was lying right through my teeth.

Taylor nods and leaves to make breakfast, again. Did she ever get tired of cooking for us, cause I fucking would. Marie gave me a small hug before leaving me at the couch. It like I was holding a secret in, eating away at my insides, slowly.

"Hey come eat!" Taylor exclaimed holding up a plate of food. Oh god.

"I had cereal early this morning, I'm okay." Liar, liar, liar. I had hid the bottle under the bed, grabbing it and chugging some before Tom walked out. I wiped my mouth, giving him a fake smile as he maintained a stone face. Asshole.

Fuck my eyes were bloodshot, as I looked back at myself. Not recognizing myself right now. My stomach growled and I lifted my shirt, my ribs sticking out more then usual. I hadn't been eating, it just made me feel sick.

A sudden rush hit me, hard. My eyes went black as I held onto to the counter for support. Shit, I felt like a corpse. The pill bottle sat on the floor, I popped a few trying to feed the numb feelings.

I could hear them talking and laughing, actually enjoying life like normal people. Here I sat in the bathroom trying not to do something that's been stuck in my mind, trying to push the bad thoughts away.

"No, no." I tell myself before leaving the room and joining everyone else.

"That's what I told you yesterday dumbass."

"Fuck you, I know."

"What are we talking about." They turned to look at me. Bill smirked and clapped his hands together.

"Race tonight, everyone is going to be there." I nod, sitting down next to Tom.

"First time showing our faces since that night, it should all go to plan."

"What plan?" I ask curiously.

"It's nothing." He says shrugging me off and going back to talking to Bill. That could absolutely anything when it comes to him. Maybe this was a whole dominance thing, wanting people to know they were still in the top spot. The toxic masculinity is seeping out of their fucking eyes.

The rest of the day was just sitting around and occasionally sneaking more drinks in, and it was so fucking cold in here but no one else noticed apparently.