Hollowness

chapter 17

Zayn's POV,

I keep on wondering why I am so unlucky in love. Why can't I get someone's love? I am an orphan so since childhood I never expected any kind of love or affection from anyone. I had learned to be alone and never expect anything from anyone. but Bella came into my life and showed me love. She gave me a taste of love just to rip it off from me. I never thought that she would choose to leave me. I am having this constant ache in my heart. I am not able to leave my apartment and face the world. I need to get back on my feet and search for a new job. I can not cry over someone who doesn't even think for a bit before breaking up with me. She did not consider my feelings. 

I was locking my apartment door to leave in a search for a job, I turned around after locking the door to be faced with broken Bella. She was standing in front of my door. looking at me longingly. I saw her after many days. It seems like I am meeting her after a long time even if it was for a short period of time. She has lost weight and her eyes sunken. She was a total mess. My heart skipped a beat when our eyes met. She smiled at me with teary eyes. 

"How are you Zayn? 

"What do you expect me to answer? I answered her looking at my building floor, not meeting her eyes. 

" Zayn, I missed you so much. Please look at me"  Bella said with a very tender voice. I could feel that she is as broken as I am.. I can not bear her sadness. 

"Bella.." I whispered. 

She came near me, closing our distance.  I stiffened at her closeness. I don't know her reason for coming here. I don't want to up my hopes. 

Bella hugged me tightly and said " Zayn Please, meet Mel. I can't see her in such a broken state."

There she is again with her pleas to accept Mel. Does she even think of me??

Her grip on me tightened. I tried to get out of her hold. This was too much for me. Here I was longing for her and she is all about her sister. 

"Bella! Please leave me.. You are suffocating me" I grunted, She slowly released her grip on me but did not distanced her from me. 

" Bella , please try to understand. Mel doesn't love me. She has had this infatuation with me for many years. I have told her many times that I don't love her. It has nothing to do with you. She is not the person whom I can love.  You have to understand that you can't force your feelings on someone. She has this obsession with me which has increased over the years. I know she is your sister so you will feel bad but you can't force me to accept her. We all three will end up unhappy. " I desperately tried to convince Bella. 

" No Zayn. She truly loves you. For god's sake she tried to take her life cause she could not bear your rejection. How could you say that it's just an infatuation?  No one takes their life just for mere crush or infatuation." Bella said, frustrated.

" Sorry Bella, but I can't accept this. I am not comfortable with her and the basic thing is I love you not her.  Don't you love me. Don't you feel the pain of separation which I am feeling now? 

" I do feel the pain. I also love you. You can't even imagine how difficult it is to give away your love. I can't take someone's life just to make myself happy. It is a crime for me to let my sister die when I can make her happy. "  

" No. My answer is no. I am not going to marry Mel. You can leave me. I will not ask you to be with me and hurt your sister more but I can't marry her. This is too much for me."  I tried to stand my ground. I can not bear Bella begging to me. I can't bear the thought that I am the reason for her sadness. I can give my life for her but what she is asking is my nightmare. She doesn't know that she is pushing me in hell.