Me Before You

PART 33: A Path Of Grief

🅈🄸🄽 🄿🄾🅅

"Crazy." The word had become almost became a second nature, a response I had gotten used to because I firmly believed that War was still out there, waiting for me. This belief kept me going, even as my parents kept shouting and pleading with me, trying to make me see that I was losing my mind.

Was I just holding on to something that wasn't real because I couldn't face the truth? Was it a way to protect myself from the pain of losing him? 

But even with all the sadness and doubt, there was something between us that I couldn't explain. It wasn't just in my head or a way of denying the truth. Late at night, when everything was quiet, I could feel War's presence, like he was there, telling me, "I'm here, phi."

This feeling kept me going, even when everything around me told me to stop. I had to find War... I had to find my baby...

Today, Fiat, War's best friend, came to see me. He seemed to bring an unspoken message, one that others had been thinking...that I was slowly losing myself, searching endlessly for War but finding nothing every time.

"If the reason you are here is just to say that I'm crazy, then you can spare us both from wasting any time. Just go back," I said flatly. 

Seated on the sofa in front of me, Fiat remained still, his gaze fixated somewhere beyond me as if he was gathering his thoughts or deliberating on the best way to convey what lay heavy on his heart. 

Silence.

"Phi...I never think you are crazy," Fiat finally spoke. "But I do believe that losing War has taken you to places no one should ever have to go, phi. The nonstop searching, the unanswered questions, it's like you are grappling with the unknown in a way that's stressing yourself."

My fist clenched tightly, my lower lip quivered while my eyes remained fixed on him through eyes brimming with tears. "Then, what? You are trying to say that War really died? Everything I did was useless? That's what you are trying to say, right?" I uttered, my voice quicker.

"Phi...do you think War will be happy when he sees you like this?" He said, a drop of tears fell from his eyes. "I'm his best friend, phi. Of course, I also feel sad when he is...he's gone but...we need to accept everything that happens."

"My boyfriend is not dead," I said through clenched teeth, my tears like crystalline rivulets.

"Yes, he's your best friend but I'm the one who has been with him every single day for the past 8 years. I'm his lover, I'm his best friend. I'm everything to him. So, don't you dare to teach me how I should react."

"Phi...you can't be like this. I—"

I got up from the sofa and pulled his arm, compelling him to leave the house with force.

"P'Yinnn, just hold on," his words managed to slip through but I propelled him firmly away from the living room.

I pushed him until he got out of the house. "Don't fucking dare to show your face in front of me again!" I shouted angrily while pointing my finger in front of his face. "Understand this clearly, War deserves a far better friend than someone like you. My boyfriend has not died! He's waiting for me to find him!"

"Phi—" Before he could manage another word, I slammed the door shut with a resonating thud.

Leaning against the door, my breath came in uneven gasps, chest rising and falling with each shaky inhale. With my hand pressed against my tear-streaked face, I sank to the floor as my legs gave way, the flood of emotions too much to bear. "Baby, you are not leaving me, right? I know you are still here," I whispered through my sobs.