Me Before You

PART 14: Disturbed Mind

🅆🄰🅁 🄿🄾🅅

Almost a week had passed since meeting of me with P'Yin's mom and since then, I couldn't stop thinking about the solution I'm going to take. Is it right for us to do so? Will they then stop bothering us? Can I stay with P'Yin forever after that? I was unable to think clearly since I had so many thoughts running through my head. My only wish is that P'Yin's parents would quit harping on the same point over and over again, so that P'Yin and I could be happy without any hatred.

I'm scared.

I'm afraid.

I'm terrified.

It seemed as if I was clinging on to something that may be ripped away from me at any moment. When it came to P'Yin, I didn't want to risk losing him.

Growing up, I used to fantasize about what true love must be like. How does it fare? Was it good at eliciting laughter? Before P'Yin came into my life and turned everything, I had never even come close to understanding what it is to truly love someone. Because of him, everything began to get more vibrant in my formerly monochrome existence. The dreadful dream I'd been having began to change into a pleasant one. My formerly aimless existence suddenly took on significant meaning. My smile grew wider. My joy is traced to his presence in my life.

If people asked me what the meaning of love is, my answer is P'Yin. It's been said that people only truly fall in love once but I don't believe it. Every time I see him, I fall in love all over again and again. He put a twinkle in my eye, butterflies in my stomach and brought love into my heart. After all this time, he is still incredible. I feel so lucky to have him in my life and I didn't want anyone to keep us apart.

If I told him the plan for him to marry someone just to get a child and divorce that woman after that, there was nothing to change between us, right? All we need is a child of his own blood and after P'Yin's parents receive what they desire, we can go back to living lighthearted lives, right?

Yet, should I really go ahead and make that decision? Could I withstand the emotions of seeing P'Yin marry somebody else? Could I rein in my feelings? Might I exercise any self-control over my emotions?

After all, we needed to put an end to all of this. Yes, P'Yin just loves me. I could raise the child together with P'Yin and we would be happy until the end. Just a child of his own blood would do.

"War"

"Babyyy"

"What are you doing?" P'Yin inquired while instantly snatching my hand that almost got cut by the knife, waking me up from reverie.

"It's dangerous, love," he said while caressing my finger and I glanced at the carrot I was about to cut but became so lost in thought that I didn't wind up doing anything with it.

P'Yin caressed my cheek gently, leading me to look at him. "Are you okay, baby? What are you thinking, hm?"

"You seem quiet these past few days," he said softly.

I almost opened my mouth to tell him about the plan but I quickly closed it again. Where do I even begin? Telling him that broke my heart but I had to do it. It is unacceptable for me to continue maintaining the silence and allowing P'Yin to argue with his parents about the same issues over and over again without taking any action.

His eyes...the way he looked at me was so soft. I didn't want him to look at other people like this. He's just for me. His heart just belongs to me.

"Phi..." I hugged him tightly, burying my face on his chest.

"Why, baby?" Is something happening at work?"

Silence. I only continued to hug him tightly, feeling how calm his heartbeat was. "You need to tell me if anything, okay?" He said and I just nodded in response.