Devotingly Yours~{Geto Sugaru x Reader}

Ch. 9)Guilt

I woke up to the sound of knocking on my apartment door. That along with Nala's scratches. I rubbed my eyes before checking the time on my phone. 3:47 AM. I sighed getting off the couch. I could only imagine it was Sugaru with the way Nala was scratching at the door. 

I quickly looked through the peep hole finding none other than who I had suspected. 

"Hi baby." He said sounding a bit relieved as I opened the door. Dark eyebags under his eyes again followed with messy hair. 

"Hey." I said letting him in. I turned wiping my eye as I made my way back to the couch. 

"Sorry I got caught up." He said rubbing the back of his neck as he shut my door. 

"I know. It's fine." I said coldly just watching him. He stood awkwardly by the door as if he was afraid to come sit with me. I sighed missing his touch. I stood back off the couch going over to hug him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down towards me as he hugged me back. He rested his head in the crook of my neck breathing in my scent as we stood by my door. 

"Are you okay Sugaru?" I whispered still holding onto him. He pulled away locking eyes with me. Looking at me seemed to calm him down a bit. He looked so drained. 

"Yeah." He said brushing it off. 

"No. Don't give me that shit. You can't tell me I don't know you anymore!" I broke apart from him now raising my voice a bit. "We act like we're dating, we do things like we're dating. So don't think I don't notice when you're not okay!" My heart hurt for him. But I wish he would just open up with me. 

"Sugaru..." I moved close to him again, bringing my voice back to it's normal gentle tone. I placed my hands on his face rubbing circles with both of my thumbs. 

"Please talk to me. Let me listen." I whispered watching his eyes light up a bit.

He nodded before pulling me in for another tight hug. We sat on the couch as I held his hand, just fiddling with his fingers. "What's going on?" I asked giving him a gentle kiss.

He took a deep breath before starting... 

"I just feel so inferior to Gojo. And sometimes even Nanami. I find myself trying so hard to be a good person. But I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. We used to be the strongest together." He sighed looking down at the hand I was playing with, and then back up at me as I contently listened. 

"He surpassed me just recently, proving how much he really doesn't need me. And I know that sounds so dumb, but he's my best friend and in a way I guess I've always looked up to him. I don't want to sound selfish either. I really am happy for him that he's the strongest sorcerer." He paused before taking another deep breath. 

"I just don't think he needs me anymore. And lately I've found work so exhausting. Like I don't know what I'm doing anymore. It all feels pointless. I literally feel dead all the time when I'm not with you." He turned to me again, squeezing the hand that was holding his. My heart ached for him. 

"It makes me feel so pathetic even feeling like this." He threw his head back. I watched as tears tickled his eyes. 

"Sugaru, it's okay to feel like this. It doesn't make you any less of who you are. It doesn't make you weak. If anything it makes you strong. And Gojo needs you because you're his best friend. You heard Nanami say it the other day. Gojo is just oblivious to the things around him. But that doesn't mean you're any lesser than him. Maybe you should see if you can take some time off." I cupped his cheek which he leaned into as I rubbed small circles with my thumb again. 

"Hey. From now on when I ask, I want you to be honest with me. Don't hide from me Sugaru. I'm here for you." I smiled giving him a slow passionate kiss. I held onto his face as I kissed him. I felt a tear wet the tip of my finger. My baby. I pulled away gazing into his dark eyes. A single tear trickled down each side of his face. 

I wiped his tears with the sleeve of my jacket before kissing each of his eyes. 

"Have you eaten?" I asked scooting closer to him, interlocking our fingers again. 

"No." He said resting his head on my shoulder. 

"Let me make you something." I said with a smile as I went to get up. He quickly tugged me back down wrapping his hands around my waist as he stuffed his face into my back. 

"Be mine Y/n." He said muffled still keeping his face pressed to my back. I could feel his grip tighten around my waist. My heart dropped into my stomach and I could already feel my adrenaline rise. 

"Your heart's racing." He said listening to it from my back. "Do you mean it?" I asked nervously turning around to him. 

He picked his head up wearing a confused yet sad look as he took in my features. 

"Of course I do." He kissed my shoulder waiting for a response. 

"It took you long enough." I smiled turning to jump into his arms, knocking him back on the couch as I tackled him. He chuckled wrapping his arms tightly around me as he kissed my forehead. 

"I just didn't want to move too fast or drive you away, You know I want you." He said in a sincere voice as I got back up. 

"I don't think there is anything you could ever do to drive me away." His face lit up watching the words roll off my lips. He quickly got up following me to the kitchen, hanging onto me the entire way. 

"Spaghetti okay?" I asked pulling out the ingredients. I got my families Italian cooking genes. We even have a secret recipe on how to alter the Spaghetti Sauce. He nodded eagerly standing behind me as I began cooking. 

"I'm really sorry I showed up so late baby. I know you said it's fine but I don't like leaving you alone, let alone waking you up." He wrapped his hands around my waist again hugging me from behind as he moved my hair to kiss my neck apologetically. 

"You could make it up to me." I smirked feeling a little devious as I felt his lips latching onto my neck again. 

"Oh yeah?" I could feel him smile across my skin as the vibration of his voice ran through my body. 

"Really it is fine though. Don't worry about it." I felt his hand reach around my neck, turning my head with his finger towards the side he was leaning on with as he kissed me. His tongue instantly entered my mouth making my gut twist. He had me wrapped around his finger. And I loved it! 

He pulled away after tongue kissing me for a minute, a trail of saliva being the only thing still connecting our lips. "So fucking good. My girl." He said now wrapping his hands around my torso as he rested his head on my chin. 

"You're so clingy." I giggled out kissing the skin of his forearm. 

"Hey you're clingy too!" he moved his arms off my torso landing a hard smack to my ass. 

"Ow! If we had a tally chart for every time one of us was clingy, I'd win." He rolled his eyes before sitting at the table. 

"Fine. I just can't keep my hands off of you. And frankly, I don't want to." He smirked sticking his nose up in the air as I brought him his food. 

"Thank you baby." He smiled as I sat down next to him, but his face soon grew confused. 

"Are you not gonna eat with me?" His eyes grew sad as he looked at me in a still confusing manner. I smiled gently at him before getting up to fix myself a plate too. 

"I didn't eat anyways so it can't hurt." I smiled out as I sat back down with him. 

"You need to remember to eat Y/n, especially with the work you do." He grabbed my hand kissing it before trying my spaghetti. "Mm this is so good!" 

"Take your own advice baby." I smiled rubbing the side of his cheek that was closest to me. His eyes grew sad and tired again.