the rain creates a certain ambience
brings a sense of peace.
but too much rain is never good for you;
what happens if you start drowning?
a small dip in the ground; the rain starts to accumulate
turning into a puddle, a pond, eventually a lake.
afte...
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there were often times where elizabeth mathews found herself awake at night, pondering her life and the relationships she holds. or rather, held.
with a relationship between a friend, or a partner, you stick with them through thick and thin. no matter how hard it rains, you continue by their side, unafraid of the possibility of drowning. or maybe you are afraid, but you refuse under any circumstance to leave them. that's love, right?
uncommitted people tend to abandon the parts of someone they didn't love. you're unhappy? let's ignore that and go out somewhere fun. are you insecure about my true feelings about you? don't be, i tell you how much i love the way you make me laugh, do i not? essentially, they nitpick bits and pieces of you, holding on to what they like, and throwing the rest away.
ellie's dad couldn't even do that.
she was aware of her flaws, but why didn't he stay for the parts he loved? or did he just not love her at all? if he did love her, she sure didn't feel like it. she didn't feel loved.
while he was around, she felt loved by him, sure. but now? she had a hard time believing it. cause who can just ditch their wife and kids if they didn't hate them? it's okay to leave, you know. it's okay to abandon the things you used to love.
sometimes.
he wasn't quite forgiven. but he was getting there. being angry with a guy she hadn't seen in seven or eight years took a lot of her energy. which is why they say to "forgive and forget," but it isn't that simple. the small amount of time she did spend with her dad, she was happy. she never had to worry about being too comfortable around others, laughing too loud, or speaking her mind. his absence changed that.
did he despise the way she expressed herself so much that he disappeared from their lives? he sure didn't show it. was ellie being selfish? she thought of her friends. dallas, who fled from his father, and poor steve and johnny, who's dads are abusive. and let's not forget the curtis brothers who lost both of their parents. that affected the whole gang heavily.
the only parent figures those guys had, died.
yeah, they still had ms. mathews, but she was so busy nowadays, did they really? the only actual adult figure who was actively present was darry. and he's still a kid.
i still love him. i have no reason not to. he didn't yell at me, or hit me. he was a good dad. he played games with me and two-bit. he told us how much he loved us. i used to sneak out of my room and watch my parents dance to a slow song on the radio. id admire the pure bliss between the two of them. he loved us all, there's no way he hated us. maybe he had no other choice but to leave. he had no choice but to leave me, my brother, and mama.
he had no choice but to leave two kids and a woman who has to work till the point of exhaustion just to make sure her kids have a roof over their heads.
