My Body

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I don't like the way my body feels.
I don't like looking at it.
I don't like people touching it.
I don't like people looking at it.

I want my old body back.

I want the body that I felt safe in.
The body that could look at without feeling disgusted by what happened to it. I want to have people hug me without being scared. I want to offer the seat next to me on the bus, without being terrified of what they might do to me.

I want to kiss the person I love without being reminded of what she did.
I want to have sex without having a flashback to that night.
I don't want to feel guilty or dirty for enjoying myself afterwards.

I want the old me back.

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