After ending my 'relationship' with my abuser, I became hypsers3xual.
I saw myself as an object, not a person.
I thought people only wanted me, when they wanted to use me for their own pleasure, as I had learnt over the last 8 months during the continued SA and gr00ming.
I would constantly get unwanted nsfw intrusive thoughts. I felt miserable, and gross, over my own sexuality. I would be debilitated for days because my body and my brain wanted two entirely different thing.
The way my hypers3xuality affected my relationships with my family, friends and romantically constantly. I always would suffer from intrusive thought after intrusive thought. It was hell.
It was one of my brain's unhealthy ways of coping with an extremely difficult, and traumatic, period of my life. I shouldn't have to feel ashamed of it, but it made me feel just as dirty as I did whilst enduring my multiple SAs.
My therapist has been helping a great deal with this, it's definitely uncomfortable and awkward to talk about at times, but therapy can feel that way a lot at times.
My healing journey has been full of ups and downs, but I'm doing so much better mentally, and it's only been 4 months <3
YOU ARE READING
give me back my girlhood
Non-FictionTrigger warning for sexual assault, grooming, mental health issues and suicidal thoughts/attempts This is my vent book about my SA trauma, I use this as one of my coping mechanisms, to help other victims and to bring awareness.
