I regret going on that school trip all the time. I still can't rewatch that film without having flashbacks, it was one of favourites until you ruined it for me.
I fight with you in my sleep, my nightmares always increase around the anniversary of my SA, I suffered with them in silence for three years, because you made me feel no one would believe me or help me.
The wound won't close. It never will close. Even when I'm done healing, what you did to me will never be gone.
Years of trying to erase you from my memory, and what I thought love was, all because I wasn't feeling loved or cared for in my homelife.
I want my girlhood and my innocence back. You took my first kiss. You ruined my experience at first love. It was mine and you had no right to take it.
Now that I'm 5 years older, I'm still terrified to trust people. I spent the next two of my relationships thinking I was just an sex object for them. Thankfully the latter helped me unlearn this, but I was still petrified of being seen as me, and not an sex object.
If you'd never touched me that night, or go on to gr00m me, I would've been a completely different person; my grades wouldn't have plummeted, I wouldn't have lost all my self confidence, I wouldn't have gotten into toxic relationships after you and I wouldn't have spent 3 years suffering all alone, because of the shame you caused me to carry.
I'll never forgive you.
I hate you Tali.
You ruined me.
YOU ARE READING
give me back my girlhood
Non-FictionTrigger warning for sexual assault, grooming, mental health issues and suicidal thoughts/attempts This is my vent book about my SA trauma, I use this as one of my coping mechanisms, to help other victims and to bring awareness.
