On Tuesday the 8th of November 2022, I was waiting for my bus home from college. I was stood with my friend and a group of guys from his mechanical course, as their bus was due a few minutes before ours.
While we were waiting, I mentioned to one of their girlfriends that I struggle sitting next to people on buses, as my first and most brutal SA took place on a bus. After hearing me say this, one of the guys we were stood with asked me the following question.
'Did you enjoy it?'
I couldn't even put into words how furious his question made me. In what world would I, an underage teenager who was SA'd on multiple occasions and groomed by my abuser, have enjoyed it?
He wouldn't walk up to a stabbing attack victim and ask them if they enjoyed being stabbed. He wouldn't ask an acid attack victim if they enjoyed their skin being burnt.
So why did he have the f*cking audacity to think it's ok to ask a r@pe or SA victim if they enjoyed it?
97% of women have experienced s3xual harassment, SA and r@pe, none of them enjoyed it. No male victims enjoyed it. No child victims enjoyed it. No victims have ever enjoyed it.
I think the worst part of him asking he that question was the stupid smug look he had on his face, he thought he was hilarious for asking me that.
No one laughed.
It wasn't funny
It will never be funny.
I fought so hard to contain the rage he made me feel. The urges to punch, slap, beat, kick, scratch that stupid f*cking look off of his stupid f*cking face. To scream the entire bus station down, just to make him hear the rage and daily struggles all victims deal with because of their abusers and people like him, who think r@pe jokes are funny, and don't call out their friends for harassing people or asking people if they enjoyed it.
I was a sleeping 14 year old, who was so excited to go on a school trip, but now I have to deal with trauma because of what a monster did to me on that bus and in that theatre. I hated every moment of my assault and I hate all the affects it has on me.
I never enjoyed it.
I never will enjoy it.
Victims never enjoyed it.
Stop making r@pe and SA jokes.
Stop being a bystander to s3xual harassment
Stop blaming the victim.
Stop blaming clothing.
Stop asking if they enjoyed it.
Victims never enjoyed it.
YOU ARE READING
give me back my girlhood
Non-FictionTrigger warning for sexual assault, grooming, mental health issues and suicidal thoughts/attempts This is my vent book about my SA trauma, I use this as one of my coping mechanisms, to help other victims and to bring awareness.
