Selfish Appetite [5 Seconds of Summer]

[34]

"And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed, they don't know my head is a mess."

- -

Sloan

Fear and trauma have a funny, and by that I mean completely terrifying and earth shattering, way of manifesting. I deal with it almost every day now, in the people I treat.

People are scared of many things.

What impresses me most, are the ways they choose to deal with fear, before seeking help from a therapist. Fear makes us freeze, or run. It makes us biased, irrational and sometimes even careless. You can't think straight, when you feel like your physical or emotional well-being is threatened.

It makes us go into fight or flight mode.

The body's reaction to an event that's perceived as either stressful, or frightening. The perception of threat activates the sympathetic nervous system, and triggers an acute stress response that prepares the body to fight or run. 

We don't deal well with fear, because we're usually under the impression that we're invincible. Untouchable. Hidden under an armor of confidence and reassurance. We don't do well when something threatens to change our lives. It gets bad, to a point where our mind changes the way it works. You're always alert, always thinking.

You think differently, so you act differently, believing that this is what's best for you and those around you.

Like love, fear and trauma blind us.

They cover our eyes with a filter, forcing us to see the world from another perspective. Most time an unrealistic, problematic one.

And when it all settles down, and you're ready to tell your story and talk about it, there's a possibility that by then, it all has gone to hell.

*

I watch as Michael stacks numerous red cups on my kitchen countertop, and ask him how much he thinks we actually drink. "Have you met us?" he mocks, saying hello to my grandma as she walks in.

"I called Tony, Flo, some other nice people, and don't worry. We're going to have our own little party in the living room, and you kids can destroy your liver in the garden, as agreed." she lays eyes on the alcohol bottles and shakes her head as she speaks.

"You're having a party." Michael states amused, staring at Alice.

"Anything you have to say about that?" my grandma challenges. "We had to run so you could walk, dear. Back then I could have out-drank all of you in my sleep." she states proudly.

"My grandma, ladies and gentlemen." I mumble to myself as I arrange some shot glasses on a tray to take outside.

She waves me off, stealing some chips from the counter.

"These are ours." I shout, reminding her.

"Well I raised you and let you live here so I guess that gives me some leeway." she shouts back and I chuckle at her good spirits tonight.

"She's relentless." Mike tells me, helping me move some things outside, in the garden.

For a less than twenty-four hour effort, the party setting looks pretty good. I even took time to hang some fairy lights on some trees and bushes.

"Looks pretty." Mike comments when I turn the lights on, the garden illuminating beautifully.

I fix up the tablecloths and Michael sets the bottles on them, some coolers with beer in them. The next table has juice and water, and the third table is where food will go.