Selfish Appetite [5 Seconds of Summer]

[20]

"Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will."

- -

Sloan 

A blurry sun rises over the city. 

People fight the urge to stay in bed for a few more minutes, or they are already up, with a made bed and a smoothie in a travel cup, as they go to work. 

Stressed businessmen in suits march through town, with their phone pressed against their ear, mentally done with the day before it even begins. 

People working the morning shift, curse at the night shift's habit to leave things half-finished, adding to their workload. A group of elderly people power-walks through the park, wearing matching, neon-orange tracksuits. 

Various food-vendors set their carts and prepare for their day. 

A line of school buses heads toward the school districts. 

And me? 

I am drowning in papers. Three endless stacks of research papers on my desk, are urging me to open the window, and make it rain for the people walking below the institute. 

While happy to be contributing to Qadri's research like this, my eyes hurt and my brain is nearly mush. I didn't leave at all last night, I fell asleep in my chair, and woke up with paper stuck on my cheek. 

I see half a dozen of missed calls from Alice and momentarily I panic, before realizing I am not a teenager in trouble.  

I text instead of calling, letting her know I had to work overnight. In another text chain, Ally's last text consisted of several question marks. 

I tap our text thread, and feel guilt grow inside of me in the realization I missed the bar-outing last night. 

I'm sorry, I had to work, I send a similar text to the one I sent Alice. And while my grandma was understanding, Ally was disappointed I didn't even call to let them know I wasn't going. 

"Is this because of the Luke thing?" she asks when I meet her for breakfast an hour later. 

Life is buzzing loudly all around us but I feel nearly sedated. 

"There is no Luke thing." I establish for what feels like the tenth time. 

"Okay." she nods. "He was wondering where you were, seemed like he missed having you around." 

"That's nice of him." I nod. "I will come tonight, I'm sorry for flaking out again. I'm working on it." 

She smiles warmly, but I can tell she's the slightest bit unconvinced. 

*

Micah nods happily at me when I enter the bar and I send a kind smile. 

He notices I'm having a hard time locating my friends, and he points with his left hand somewhere in the back of the place. I nod as a way of saying thank you, and he goes back to fixing up some chairs. 

"Well-well, if it isn't miss Bennett." Michael jests in a full voice as I approach them, and sit down next to him. 

I send him a sheepish smile. 

"Alright, let me have it. I am a terrible person, I'm aware." I sigh, sitting back in the cold chair. 

"You do own a cell phone, right? Those little electronic devices that help you communicate with people, when you're planning to stand them up." Mina sends a teasing smile my way, piling in.