Selfish Appetite [5 Seconds of Summer]

[29]

"Violence is violence. Trauma is trauma. And we are taught to downplay it, even think about it as child's play."

- - 

Sloan 

So, the bubble. The bubble we spend our whole lives preserving, the bubble of comfort, routine and safety. The bubble we bring other people into, so that we can be together. So that we can protect them, and vise versa. 

The bubble bursts. Violently- and you're left alone to face the cruel face of a world, you once thought of as different. 

Who will you be after the bubble bursts? 

*

"Yeah, you're not driving." Calum steals my key, motioning for me to enter the passenger side of the SUV.

I stare at my empty hands. 

"I am going to kill him." I state.

"Look at me." he demands. "Sloan, look at me. Now." he whispers.

"We will deal with this together, you hear me? I know you're mad, and you should be. I'm furious, I'm nearly terrified, but Mina is right. If this thing goes to court, we don't know what she's going to have to deal with. Edward is a lawyer. We can't risk hurting Mina's case. So for now, you can yell at him, you can wish him dead, but you can't touch him." Calum states.

His tone is stern and affectionate at the same time.

I bring him to me and smash my lips on his.

He places a hand on my waist and pulls me as close to his body as he can, as if telling me that we can be terrified together.

"Thank you." I say, resting my forehead on his for just a second.

I need a second to feel my body.

A second where everything is the same, and this  terrible thing hasn't happened to one of my favorite people.

"I have you, right now. I have you and I need you to remember it, okay?" he says, emotion so evident in his voice, that in this moment, falling in love with him doesn't seem so far fetched.

I nod mindlessly,  looking at my palms that can't seem to be able to stop shaking. 

"Let's go, please." my voice barely comes out.

I don't think I've ever experienced such a combination of anger and fear.

Calum is driving fast enough, that the trees we pass become a green blur in my eyes.

Before I have the chance to register our surroundings, we've passed them.

The car comes to a halt at a red light, the engine rumbling quietly, sending vibrations throughout my body.

I steal a glimpse of him and notice the frown on his face, the little crease lines on his forehead, the twitch of his hand as he nervously taps the steering wheel. 

"I can't believe this is happening." I whisper. 
He turns to look at me. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offers.

"I should have said something to her. I should have." I mutter defeated. 
"What?" he frowns.

"I started to notice things, the little things. But I thought I was being paranoid, leftover PTSD from Ian. I didn't want to see abuse everywhere, I didn't want to be that person." I exhale shakily.

The light turns green, and Calum revs the engine, switches gears and re-starts the car. 

"Don't do that to yourself. I've known that man for most of my life, and I never noticed anything. This isn't on you." he tells me, his eyes glued on the road.