Selfish Appetite [5 Seconds of Summer]

[45]

"I'm still making sense of having nothing left to save."

- - 

Sloan

The sound of my boots clicking against the pavement feels a little too loud as Ally and Mina walk beside me.

I can't help but be aware of the tension in the air—the kind you feel when you're walking toward a place you've been to a hundred times, but everything's different now.

I feel it in my chest, the weight of it, this knot that won't loosen.

I glance at my friends, both of them chattering about something, but my mind is elsewhere. Mainly, on Luke.

He's been back in town for a couple of weeks now, but tonight is the first time we're all getting together at the bar.

The first time since the engagement party.

The first time since we kissed in my bedroom.

I still don't know how to feel about it. I've told myself it's no big deal, but every time I think about it, my stomach twists.

"Do you think I was too harsh on him?" I ask before I can stop myself.

Mina glances at me, her brow furrowed in concern. "On who? Luke?"

I nod, biting the inside of my cheek. "At the party. After we... after everything."

Ally stops in her tracks for a second, a knowing look crossing her face. "You kissed him, didn't you?"

The question hangs in the air like a bomb, and I'm not sure what to do with it.

I can't bring myself to say it out loud, but after the expression on my face, Ally and Mina both already know.

"You don't have to say anything," Mina says, her voice soft. "These things are tough. I mean look at me and Michael. After the break-up it took us weeks to even be able to look in each other's direction." she adds, even more sensitive now. "It's hard." she breathes out that last part, and I lean my head on her shoulders for a few seconds.

I nod, the memory hitting me harder than I expected. The taste of him still lingers on my lips, even now. I just wasn't ready for it, for the chaos that came after.

The confusion, the words left unsaid. It's always the same thing with him.

"It was a mistake," I say, trying to sound confident. "I shouldn't have kissed him."

Ally raises an eyebrow. "You're saying that now, but I know you, Slo. You wouldn't have done it if you didn't want to. What happened after?"

I sigh, my chest tight. "We talked, and then... I don't know. We just ended up walking away from each other. There's nothing left to say."

Mina bumps me with her shoulder, nudging me playfully. "You liked that kiss, didn't you? You're practically giddy."

I feel a wave of warmth flood my cheeks, but I shake my head. "It's complicated."

Always has been.

"It's really not." Ally muses when we resume our walking. "I know he's my brother's best friend, but he's an asshole for what he did to you. The choice here is clear."

"For robots like you maybe." Mina murmurs under her breath, earning an exasperated eye roll from Ally who didn't take offense at the jab.

"For the last time. I'm single by choice." Ally lets out the words slowly.

"Look, it's going to rain." Mina stares up at the sky, completely ignoring the shameful look our friend was sending her.

We reach the bar, and just like that, the familiar buzz of voices and laughter hits us. Micah the bartender waves hello, and I try to keep my cool as we walk toward our usual booth.