Selfish Appetite [5 Seconds of Summer]

[23]

"Sometimes it's not love that breaks your heart. It's disappointment."

- -

Sloan

A blurry moment of panic. 

My head feels like it's underwater. 

I can't breathe. 

Alex repeats my name, urging for me to stay in his office, so that he could help me deal with this in a calm manner- so that I won't do anything dangerous, or ill-thought of. 

So that I won't lose my fucking mind.

I remove my hand from his grip and grab my belongings, stumbling on the carpet on my way out.

The receptionist, Claire, sends me a worried glance, asking me if everything was okay. 

I ignore the stares of the people in front of the building and start pacing back and forth, looking for a cab.

I remove my heels and the pavement is damp under my socks from the rain, but in this moment, I don't care about anything. I don't feel anything. Not the cold, not the light rain, not the screaming voices in my head.

Well, maybe only the screaming voices in my head. 

And Ally's voice on the phone a few minutes ago.

"Hey!" I yell at a man entering the driver's seat of a cab across the street. "Are you free?" 

He nods and brings the car around with a U-turn, stopping in front of me. 

I climb into the backseat and he notices me holding my shoes in my hands, but withholds any commentary.
"What's the address?" he inquires.

"The Hempers bar, do you know where it is?" I say in a hurry. 

He enters the bar's name into the GPS, but informs me a second later, that he doesn't have any cellular data, so Maps isn't loading. He asks for an address, or even a street name, but by now my mind is so blank and blurry that I don't remember my own last name. 

I only hear the voices screaming at me that things are crumbling. 

"Start driving. I will tell you how to get us there." I exhale and he nods.

The streets are tauntingly busy and in this moment, I'm afraid we're never going to get there. My heart is racing and my eyes are flickering all over the roads, making sure to give the man the right instructions. 

When the car enters a more empty street my foot becomes restless and my hands start to sweat. 

"Can we go any faster?" I stress.

"Any faster and I'm putting you in danger." he sighs.

"I'll give you an extra twenty." I try.

"It doesn't work like that." he shakes his head, trying to hide his annoyance. 

"Just please go faster." I repeat, my voice now an echo in my ears.

He nods, forcing a smile, then we don't talk for the rest of the ride. 

A few minutes later and we're here, but now I feel agonizingly stuck in the seat. 

I put my heels back on after paying him, and make a run for it since the rain was now pouring down heavily. 

Ally meets me out front, Calum next to her.

I try to read their faces, or even their body language, but they're both so reserved, that I get nothing.