Selfish Appetite [5 Seconds of Summer]

[43]

"In the wake of you."

- -

The message was simple, almost mundane in its clarity, but it hit Sloan harder than she expected.

It's not like Luke hadn't already told her he was going to do it, but the curt "Goodbye, Bennett." text she'd received, was powerful enough for her to fling her nightlamp across her room. 

It has been a week since he left. 

His words are still echoing in her mind like a cruel chorus. 

I love you.
There's a one-year gig in Los Angeles. They're looking for actors, I'll go.

Leaving under the pretense of giving her space to fall out of love with him. 

She had forced herself to believe that it was just another part of his emotional armor. 

Of the infamous wall always keeping him from her. 

Though she would not admit it to her friends, she harbored a secret hope that he would change his mind and stay. Especially after their moment in the bathroom, where his fingers did unspeakable things to her, as she clutched and held onto him for dear life. Where he had her under his fingertips, raw and vulnerable.

He didn't.

And the text pinging from her phone right now, from Ashton, was a stark reminder of how little she really knew him—or, perhaps, how much she had tried to ignore. 

He is okay, I just talked to him, he's moved in a condo. Looks like he's settling for the long haul. 

The air in the room grows heavy. 

She had never truly allowed herself to consider that he might follow through on his plan. But now, seeing it in black and white, the reality of it was like a slap to the face. 

He left. He was serious about it.

Sloan reads the text a dozen times, her eyes buzzing each time they skim over the words long haul. 

It wasn't a casual visit. It wasn't a temporary break to clear his head. It was real. He was really gone, and even though Michael and the others tried to console her, encouraging her to keep her hopes up, she knows now. 

She feels it. 

Luke isn't coming back. 

At least not any time soon. 

*

She tries to focus on something else—work, her friends, Alice, anything to distract her from the overwhelming sense of abandonment that claws at her insides.

It was impossible.

She had always known that this was his dream, that acting was his escape, his passion. But the last time he had told her about it, it felt more like a distant fantasy than a reality. 

And now, she realizes, it had been his escape from her, too. 

But the hardest part was the part she isn't ready to admit to herself.

She loves him. 

That was the problem. Despite everything, despite the pain, despite him walking away from her so easily, the love she has for him hasn't changed.

It was still there, buried under all the hurt.

Of course it has only been a week, but she is itching to get rid of the remnants of him, so much so that she is willing to do anything to achieve it.