💍💚MARRIAGE AND THE MISUNDERSTANDINGS💜💍

🐻SECOND TRIAL🐰

After leaving the dorm, I went directly to my apartment. I tell the staff in the lobby that I am not receiving any visitors. I want to be alone. I stayed awake the whole night thinking about me. Me only. Jokoy didn't cross my mind as I was assessing what I did that led us to this separation.

We were married for only a few months. After Jokoy recovered from nightmares, we finally spent time together happily. The days went by when I realised, while fixing Jokoy, I forgot about myself. I forgot that I was more wounded than him.

The morning came, and I was sleepy and restless. I forced myself to go to the company for a shoot of RUN BTS and a meeting.

All participants are already at the conference, including Jokoy. I avoided him, regardless of the available seat beside him. I sit beside Suga Hyung across him, who pats my back. While waiting, maybe because of the tension, Moon Hyung initiated the talk.

"What's happening to both of you? You need to grow up and mature. Handle your problems well, and Taesha, you do not need to leave the dorm. Always, listen to each other first, communicate well, and be honest with your feelings. Jokoy, you must understand the reasons of your husbands before jumping to conclusions. Do not decide impulsively. Communication is important in relationships."
I didnt answer. I do not need to always explain myself.

Jokoy looked at me and tried to reach my hand under the table. "Voo. I'm sorry. Go home please. Come back to me." he told me, so I pulled my hands away from him.

"Let's focus on work and set aside our personal problems." I told him, bowing my head.

The meeting was done, and we're now shooting Run BTS. Everyone is so attentive to me, especially Hoba Hyung. I am not in the mood and have been silent the whole shoot.

When we're done cooking and tasting the foods, my stomach crumbles, and I remember that I hadn't eaten anything since last night.
I tasted the foods and loved the Kim Pi Tang that Moon Hyung and Suga Hyung cooked.

Hoba Hyung announced how much I love the Pi Tang and caught the attention of Jokoy. He stared at me with a small smile and watched me eat the food. I felt shy but still continued eating.

After the shoot, I bid my goodbyes to the members and left them. I never knew that Jokoy was crying when I left and being comforted by the members. Mochi wanted to go with me, but I refused the invitation; I wanted to be alone.

As I entered my apartment, I went straight to the bathroom. I open the shower and sit on the floor with my folded knees.

I cried under the water, asking how long I would suffer. When Jokoy left and asked for separation, I didn't cry. I didn't get hurt. It made me realise even more that I love him more than he loves me.

Everyone misunderstood me. Everyone never listens. I am always alone.

I married Jokoy because I love him. I married him not because I wanted security that he would never leave me; I married him because I love him and want to spend my life with him. I want to be with him when I am happy or sad.

But when we got married, flashbacks always visited my dreams at night. I tried all I could to hide from Jokoy how I was suffering.
Every time I wake up from my own nightmare, I only stare blankly at the ceiling, crying silently.

I never enjoyed my younger years because of the pain I was experiencing at that time.
I suffered for three years and wasn't able to enjoy my teenage years. Since 2017, I have been wounded and am just recovering this year. I was hurt the whole year of 2017–2019.

It was because of Jokoy's love and confusion towards me. His questionable personality. His selfishness. I tried to stay with him because I love him. I accepted him many times because I love him.

But because of that love, I forgot myself. I gave him everything and didn't leave anything for myself. I forgot that before you love a person, you should know your worth and love yourself first.

That's my mistake; I forgot to love myself. Loving my husband is like hugging a thorn; the more you tighten your hug, the more you'll get hurt.

After taking a bath, I dropped my body into my bed in a prone position. I buried my face in the pillow while still crying silently.

How long am I going to hurt? How long am I going to injure pain? How long will this suffering last? I deserve to be loved.

My phone rang, and I reached for it, then answered without looking at the caller ID. I know it's Jokoy.

"Voo. I'm sorry. Please go home. I love you." My tears drop into the bedsheet. I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe before I talk.

"Can you answer my question? Can you please help me find an answer? Jeon, in our relationship, have I lost myself? Or have I just gained you?" I ended the call and cried more.

#TAEKOOKAU
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